5 brutal questions every couple should ask each other

Just got into a relationship? Or perhaps you’ve been together for years and still feel like the connection is missing. Either way, if you really want to deepen your relationship, you have to move past the routine questions. While asking your partner about how their day is crucial, it is equally important to know where you both stand in this relationship: whether they feel truly seen by you, whether they are holding on to resentments, or whether they are secretly imagining a life without you. Here are some questions that cut through the pleasantries and surface-level intimacy and dive deep. If your relationship can withstand these conversations, it might actually be worth fighting for.

Yes, maybe you both share the same roof, but does your partner feel seen? Many people spend years with partners who look at them but don’t really know them. This question will reveal things that you may have never considered before.

This one cuts deep because it exposes how expectations leave the room. When your partner seeks security, and you repeatedly fail, they quietly give up. This question asks them to name the dreams they’ve already mourned within their relationship. The honesty may sting, so be prepared.

A relationship is only meaningful when both partners have the opportunity to grow. Being in a relationship shouldn’t mean the end of your individuality. If your partner has given up dreams, friends, and everything else that made them exceptional in the first place, there is a problem. Real love gives you wings to fly, not clip them.

Everyone has an unspoken fear about their relationship. Maybe they’re afraid you’ll leave, or perhaps they’re worried that you’ll never truly accept them. Asking this question will bring more clarity to your relationship. That’s where you will find the space to grow. This question asks them to name the thing they’re most afraid to lose—or to lose you to.

This question is surely brutal, but it will tell you the future of your relationship. It asks them to imagine the exit, or perhaps an alternative. Maybe they have, maybe they haven’t. Either way, you will know whether they have chosen to stay or whether they’re just staying because it’s easier than leaving. You should really know this.