Why comparison is the silent killer of childhood confidence

Children are not comparative by nature. Children learn to compare themselves when they are constantly reminded by adults of the good work others are doing elsewhere. Over time, children come to focus not on their own development but on external validation. Rather than understanding themselves and what they like, they learn to assess themselves through comparison and results.Healthy confidence builds when children are accepted in spite of their performance. Constant comparison substitutes the acceptance that occurs in childhood with performance-based acceptance. Children learn that acceptance is contingent; it comes from being the best at something in comparison to others. Insecurities arise from success being fleeting. The emotional effects of comparison can be seen not just in the achievements and academics of students. Children brought up in a comparative setting often develop insecurities, worries, and fears of the mistakes they might commit. Even children who perform very well may find themselves under the pressure of sustaining their position.Today’s digital world has fueled comparison. Comparison has been fueled by social media, which portrays perfection or success, skill, or confidence. The child, lacking proper emotional grounding, may take on those images, feeling like he or she is failing by comparison.Adults will often utilize comparison because it seems as if it is producing immediate outcomes. Nonetheless, having motivations that are driven by fear or feelings of inadequacy is readily translatable to meaning that it is ineffective because it lacks long-term vigor. Consequently, children can begin to disconnect, possibly disillusioned with what they feel they can do.Children can benefit more from an atmosphere where the focus is on progress rather than comparison. Acknowledge the hard work, progress, and personal strengths of children, and they will help develop self-confident children by providing them with an environment to develop at their own pace. With the aim of lessening comparison, it does not mean there should be a decrease in expectations. This involves changing the emphasis from comparisons with other people to enhancing one’s own possibilities. By making children feel valuable because of the people they are and not because of their comparisons in life, children become self-assured and at ease with the processes and act of growing and learning.