5 signs your husband is having an affair: Couples therapist reveals signs women mostly overlook

Couples sex therapist Karen Doherty, also the resident therapist in Netflix’s popular show Blue Therapy, talks about some of the warning signs of infidelity that many women tend to miss in their relationships. She often has clients who are seeking help to fix marital problems, amidst their ‘relentless years’, aka midlife. “Teens, careers, menopause, man in midlife crisis, ageing parents, it’s all too much, and they’ve lost each other in the melee," she told The Daily Mail.

Your spouse may be at home, but mentally, somewhere else. He might even be pleasant to you, but somehow not fully present. According to Doherty, this is a telltale sign. “When there’s a third person involved, there’s a much more palpable ‘checking out’. You may notice he’s not as reciprocal. You may sense he’s lost curiosity around you and the relationship – because his curiosity is lodged elsewhere,” she said. You can really tell the difference between someone who is present and someone who is merely occupying space.

Your partner may suddenly become unpredictable. You will find it hard to judge your partner's mood and demeanor. When a third person is in your husband’s life, you will see this confusion rising. They will start to criticise more. The blame game will be an everyday business. You will start to recognise an air of negativity that didn’t exist before. This frustration may stem from guilt he might feel. “He might criticise how you look, how you do something, your friends, how you go about life. His simmering discontent will feel quite new and confusing,” the therapist said.

When two people share a house and life, arguments will take place. However, healthy conflict differs from corrosive bickering. When discontentment enters the chat, there will be less fighting and more squabbling. “Your communication may be full of sarcasm, contempt, and disrespect. Bickering and nitpicking are signs a couple has lost the ability to discuss, negotiate, and navigate issues. It reflects emotional distance. And it’s when there’s space that affairs can happen,” Doherty said.

This is perhaps one of the most confusing signs. Your partner may withdraw from intimacy; however, that does not mean a lack of sex. “A lot else may not be going well, but sex carries on. It may not be particularly sensual, intimate, or erotic. It’s what I call ‘good enough’ sex. And couples can pretend if they’re having sex, everything’s OK,” the therapist said. You will notice less hand-holding, hand on the back, kissing, or checking in.

Things that once you both laughed at are no longer funny. Humour is a form of intimacy, and when that leaves the relationship, it usually means trouble. “If all is well, you tolerate your partner leaving their floss by the sink, or their absurd way of stacking the dishwasher. But if a relationship is in trouble, people stop accepting these irritations. It’s usually because there’s been a lot of disappointment,” she explained. If you cannot have a good laugh with your partner, it’s a red flag.