PARIS: Nikhat Zareen will never have Paris. Because of all the boxing rings in all the competitions in the world, at the Olympics here, she walked into Wu Yu.
Apologies, at the start, if it appears one is making light of a sportsperson's soul-crushing defeat, years of wait and hours and hours of training, but Nikhat's short-lived Olympic journey will always have an epic 'what if...' attached to it. Maybe it was never meant to be, maybe you have to resign yourself to forever having to live with that feeling, like a new skin that you never asked for. How do you accustom yourself to this new reality that's suddenly thrust upon you? After you have emotionally and physically drained yourself, where does the strength to pick yourself up and continue come from? Because tomorrow will still come but it will be woefully mundane from now on.
"Take a holiday, perhaps," said Nikhat, "A solo one maybe. I haven't done a solo one ever. This looks like a good time." The holiday sounded like the best idea all morning, nothing like a journey to find yourself. But what of the journey you've been taken off from?
Nikhat, typically, had been putting on a brave face, grinning-gritting in between the heaving breaths of a chest waiting to explode. When a usually high-spirited and confident sportsman breaks into tears, in the full, cold glare of a questioning world, it perhaps humanizes her even further. There is a growing up, one that you'd have wished happened to you in private, but this catharsis in public – under accompanying bars of Eurythmics' Sweet Dreams are Made of These in the stadium playlist no less -- is cold, extreme and open. It leaves you with no place to hide.
Did Nikhat feel the same today? She would have. All her life she had been waiting for this moment, it was here, but not like this – answering why she was spent by the time the third round came ringing against the sure and composed top seed Wu of China, how she had had to subsist on water for the past two days to hold on to her weight and how the hunger-led lack of sleep may have been a factor when it was required she go out all guns blazing in the final three minutes of her Olympics life?
Her utterances, after her bitter exit, were a mixture of heartfelt admissions, feeble defiance – somewhere a denial too -- and swiftly dawning acceptance and resignation. In such times, rehearsed platitudes provided easy refuge, fine escape routes. But for how long?
"We still wait on the future of boxing in four years' time in 2028 (Los Angeles Olympics)," the 28-year-old would say, "We still don't know..." There would never be a more deafening statement of the silence of her Olympics future. Paris would always be somewhat of an only and final chance for the double world champion, fervently seeking some sort of Olympic validation. On Thursday – after an undisputable 5-0 reverse at the hands of the Chinese top seed, Nikhat was realizing that time had probably slipped by, yet proud and pioneering that she is, she would not let it show and would continue to hold out on hope.
After all, hope is what she is famous for. One was tempted to ask, if she was in better shape and promise – even if not so much, as a more rounded product -- somewhere perhaps for the postponed Tokyo Olympics three years ago, a Games for which she had chosen to shake the establishment and challenge an 'unshakeable' champion? Or had the readiness from constant training and preparation for Paris come undone with the most lop-sided of draws in the women's 50-kg? "She fought one bout less than me," said Nikhat of the top seed, who now meets another familiar foe in Chuthamat Raksat, the eight seeded Thai in the quarterfinals.
Well aware that the odds were stacked against her, Nikhat still presented a composed, self-assured form at the start of the bout, reading her opponent's intentions early and confidently weaving away. An open stance and often inviting dropped guard gave a peep into her larger plan, but the Chinese was not letting it pass. The opening round taken 4-1, Wu would pile on the advantage in the second, Nikhat would not be thrown from her own game, the numbers would marginally stack up against her at 3-2.
With a look in for Nikhat just about present, was it here that her famous 'fight' would show? The third promised a lot. Instead, it withered into a slew of empty punches, strange swing from distance and a stranger lack of will and intent – this was not even the idea of being robbed in the first two rounds, this was the moment she had been waiting for, the time, we had repeatedly been told, that history would begin to form. What we got instead was meek surrender, not the Nikhat Zareen we had seen, known or heard.
Asked where she ranked today's setback among the many that she has weathered in the past Nikhat seemed a little indignant at the suggestion. "This is not a setback. This was a good fight lost. She is a terrific boxer. I have learnt much from this fight, will help me prepare better for the future," she said. Maybe, next time. But the question still begs, when?
Game On Season 1 continues with Mirabai Chanu’s inspiring story. Watch Episode 2 here.