Women's Day 2020: Actress-TV host Roja Selvamani, 'In my childhood, I was told things like girls must walk silently'

Roja Selvamani- a name that needs no introduction. The accomplished actor turned politician is giving young actresses a run for their money on television as well. Besides her successful shows Jabardasth, Rangasthalam, she is recently back as a TV host with Amma... Sarileru Neekevvaru, a show with celebrity mothers and their kids. On the occasion of International Women’s Day (March 8), Roja talks about the stereotypes she faced, the men behind her inspiring success, how TV celebrates women and much more.

Women’s Day is not all about today (March 8). The day women get that complete support and freedom at home to enjoy the life they wanted is Women’s Day in its true sense.

I’ve seen many reputed women who propagate aversion towards males and male-bashing as feminism. I don’t think that is right. As a mother, sister, wife, girlfriend, we play multiple roles in life and complete womanhood is all about having a successful life balancing many roles.

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(Laughs) Ours is a patriarchal society. And respecting women is mostly confined to our homes with a tendency to down look upon women from other quarters of life. I work in two male-dominated industries – entertainment and politics. But I was lucky enough to have an upbringing that didn’t limit me in any way. I enjoyed the attention, support and freedom that my elder brothers did. I never believed in the popular notion that women need to be weak and dependent. I was able to explain what I want or felt without any apprehension or hesitation. Even now, my husband (Selvamani) and son are very understanding which helps me take quick and bold decisions in life. Equality starts at home. Parents should stop treating their boys and girls differently. Only then a girl child can face society more confidently.

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(Laughs) I was often told girls must walk silently without making a noise. More than my parents, my grandfather was very strict with me. I grew up at my grandparents’ place for a few years. My grandpa worked as an army doctor. He used to question me if I was late from school. Even when I had to cut my hair for one of my movies during the initial days as a heroine, he scolded me. I cried a lot that day. But my parents always gave me freedom. My younger brother was the closest. But my eldest brother was conservative, too. He used to ask me to go inside when somebody came home. I never got why.

(Laughs) Now my family will get to know, too. After class X, I came back to my parents in Tirupati and attended SPW Junior College. We used to attend a few classes in the morning, marked attendance, bunk the rest of classes and go to films jumping the college wall. Someone use to spot me in the theatre and complained to my parents. My brother used to come to my rescue. Back then, as teenagers, these were the boldest things we felt we did.

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Freedom of choice is something I want to let my daughter always enjoy. Also, I want her to have a happy and stress-free education. Moreover, kids of this generation have a lot of clarity on what they want and why. My daughter was clear that she wants to study in Chennai and definitely not in a school that encourages mugging up. So, we shifted to Chennai now. I know many parents who stress out more than their kids. I feel we need to just support and guide them in the direction they want to fly.

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Technology can be a threat, too. As a mother, I’ve my own fears and concerns. We’ve seen cases where kids of celebrities getting trapped through smartphones, social media, etc. Fortunately, my daughter prefers to stay away from social media. She often refuses to even take selfies as I share on social media. She wants to be a simple and normal girl.

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We can’t predict rapes and murders but we can avoid things like casting couch. I’ve been in the industry for a very long time. I don’t believe somebody can ruin us until we let them do. We should have the steering of our life in our hands. People might try to misguide us exploiting our situation or innocence. But we must not compromise. If a girl can speak up confidently, any man will have to step back. Even in cases of harassment at workplaces, women do not have to tolerate it for any reason. We must tap the supportive laws we have. But many don’t due to various reasons.

I’ve been into TV for over 18 years now. I find this medium more comfortable. I believe TV is more supportive of women than men. It has more scope and opportunities for us.

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Television has changed a lot. At one point, a few female antagonist characters, the violence and vengeance in a few daily soaps were very concerning. I enjoyed working with common contestants in shows like ‘Modern Mahalakshmi’. Shows like these often bring out the talent in those homemakers, who are often confined to the four walls. That gave me immense joy. I wish to see more shows like these.

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Male, female or transgender actors, everyone is talented. I respect everyone as a human first. Male actors playing the role of female characters in the show is fun. Certain aspects are sensitive and certain styles of comedy can get vulgar with a woman. Encouraging male actors playing female roles is not intended to insult women.

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Jabardasth is my biggest stress buster. That is why I’ve been associated with this show for a long time. Shows like Rachabanda are very stressful yet as a public representative, I feel it is my responsibility to guide couples with troubled marriage towards justice. It is only through shows like Amma… Sarileru Neekevvaru that people will get to see the other side of celebrities. The show tries to tap our other side when we are with our family on the show. I loved the concept and I hope the viewers will enjoy as much as I did.

Men are not as multi-faceted as women. Many of us are successful despite the multiple roles we play. We get to hear only a fraction of the success stories. Today, I salute all the successful women and unsung heroes out there. We are proud of you and more power to you.