From postpartum struggles to going through mom’s guilt; Debina Bonnerjee shares essential life lessons from her motherhood journey

Debina Bonnerjee, a mother of two baby girls, reveals her unique insights into parenting. In a candid discussion on her vlog, she shared essential tips that most people don't mention. From nothing in parenting going according to plan to a mother’s guilt, Debina shares the unexpected aspects of raising children.

This means that sometimes we plan that we will make the child sleep in the afternoon and then in the evening we will go. And you might make dinner plans. That is the same day the child is not sleeping, the same day he is doing something else or the kid is very cranky. So, if you already planned that whatever will happen, you will mold yourself, then you will feel so glad about the whole situation, you will enjoy every moment. I am not trying to control the situation.

All the people in the world talk about breastfeeding that it is ‘oh my god the most beautiful feeling ever’. But one thing is, you know, it is the most challenging part of motherhood, at least to start with. It is very challenging, the kind of pain that happens, the ups and downs that you face there are so many people, and everybody faces different challenges of breastfeeding, but it is a very short-lived but very challenging phase. So if you get to know this, you will understand that you know, you are not alone. This happens to everyone. And what I said, it is short-lived. You will overcome it with time.

After the baby is born, suddenly you will realise that the focus shifts to the baby and people are calling and asking how is the baby? Are you coming to meet the baby? Do you want to meet the baby? Do you want to go and see the baby? Somewhere or the other, you become sidelined. We all become sidelined. At that time, who takes care of you? You, yourself. So, we mothers, it is very important to take care of yourself. Here, I am not saying to take some time off and do a spa and all even though it is very relaxing. I know it is not possible. So something which, is very easy in a short time.

After the baby is born, postpartum is a little difficult journey. If you ask for help, trust me, you will get help. But mostly, we mothers think that no one can do like me. We kind of overburden ourselves. We take all the load ourselves. You know, changing the diaper, they won't be able to do it, I will do it. Sometimes, when we go out, we call at home 50 times. It happened to me too. I used to call my mom 10,000 times and ask her if my baby was sleeping, if she was eating, if she was drinking. So, one day, my mom told me in anger. ‘So, why did you go? You could have done it yourself if you don't have that much trust.’ Take it easy, take it cool, everything will be fine, everything will keep happening but you know if we take a lot of stress, postpartum can become really difficult.

Every baby has different milestones so that's why don't get happy by comparing your baby with others, don't get sad, sometimes. We come under a lot of pressure thinking that it's going so fast, my child is not moving. We are somehow pressurizing ourselves because the child will do everything on its own time. Little ups and downs happen. Don't mind, just go with the flow, enjoy the flow and eventually, it will all be equal. You know, if you don't feel guilty or if you don't take it personally, you will see that everything is looking good. If others also compare, say ‘wow, amazing, my child is taking some time to walk but the day it walks, there is no stopping back.’

There is a lot of hue and cry over top feed. People think that you gave formula to the baby, it's very bad. But don't worry formula fed babies also grow equally good if not better. One of my kids drank whole formula and the other breast milk. And I will say that the growth milestones of both were more or less similar. One did something before and the other did something before and both of them are equally good. All that you need is a healthy baby and a well-fed baby. We don't need to worry at all whether we have fed it on top feed or we have been able to feed the baby ourselves. Do what suits your situation. Society will talk about you whether you are a home-sitting mom or a working mom. If you are a staying at home mom, or you are a working mom, people will say that you don't care about your kids. Don't worry, society always has this thing to say about you. Do what suits your situation. Trust me, both the moms are equally good and you are doing the best job, Mom. Keep it up.

Mom's guilt is real. Trust me, no matter how much you do, you will still feel that you are not doing enough. You are missing something. Because, whatever I did, I feel that I also suffer from mom guilt. And I talked to so many mothers, everybody suffers from mom guilt. Even if you spend the whole day with your child, still at the end of the day, you will feel, I haven’t had enough. No matter what you do, you will always feel guilty. And trust me, it's a phase and there will be different guilt in different phases. But you should learn how to cope with it and live with it. And that is real, it will not leave this life. You will have to learn to live with the guilt. So all the best.