From losing a baby boy in 5th month of pregnancy to several miscarriages; Vandana Sajnani Khattar’s difficult and inspiring motherhood journey

From experiencing the heartbreak of losing a baby at five months and enduring multiple miscarriages, Vandana Sajnani Khattar's motherhood journey has been one of resilience and hope. Speaking on Debina Bonnerjee's podcast, Vandana, who is married to actor Rajesh Khattar, shared her emotional story of finally embracing motherhood in her 40s. After 11 years of marriage and numerous challenges, the couple was blessed with a baby boy, celebrating a hard-fought dream come true.

I got married at the age of 35, which is late according to Indian standards. All these things about egg freezing, IVF, surrogacy and other mediums of having a baby were not prominent back then. As luck would have it, I conceived just a month after my marriage. My husband comes from a background where he has experienced marriage. I wanted to be a mother. I used to always tell him that if I get married to you, I would want to become a mother.

My pregnancy journey was very challenging. Just a month after marriage I found out I'm pregnant, I was thrilled. I continued to work because I was not aware of many medical things. In my 5th month, I had a miscarriage. Now this is rare because in 5-5 and a half month your baby’s almost taken the shape, breathing. It was very traumatic. I had told the doctor that I want to give birth naturally because I didn’t believe if I would be able to experience it again. The doctor said the baby is no more and they have to do C-section. I went for a normal delivery for a baby I didn’t even getting to see. My husband and brother took the baby away. I couldn't get to see, but it was a boy.

After that I had 3-4 micarriages. So it happened in a series of events and one happened on my birthday. I wanted to celebrate my friends, my support system, they were there and we had a party and of course I was taking very good care. But that day when we drove back home from the venue there was a speed breaker and I started bleeding. So I started believing there is something, which is not making it happen. Till then, I didn’t know the meaning of manifestation, or faith.

I was stuck in a negative zone loop. I wanted a break and that’s when I got a call from Zoya Akhtar for Dil Dhadakne Do. That was the best break like a doctor’s written prescription. So I just took off. I took a break and it was the most joyous break of my life. And when I came back I told my husband I will do IVF. I tried IVF for 3 -4 years and 3-4 failures.

We opted for surrogacy. It's a lot of expense because it is about how much money that goes into it, how much time and process, that waiting period. But you know that whole thing is very crazy. That was also failing. And then we realized that a lot of women were doing it for money. They would maybe pop a pill and pregnancy wasn’t happening. It had become money making business. I had just 2 embryos left. I told the doctor that I'm going in for adoption. That’s also a very complicate process.

Finally, we made a final attempt and put in 3 embryos. I was having twins. We were overjoyed, we were happy. And then another journey happened and I would say now it's a blessing but that time it was a nightmare. I went for checkup in my second month. I went to a very, very good doctor. She told me my Cervix weak, the endometrium lining is weak. She asked, ‘are you ready to be flat on bed for the next nine month? You are straight going to the bed with your legs up in the air tied and were doing situation where we are going to tie your cervix’. Even to go to the washroom I couldn’t put my legs down.

In the sixth month sonography, I was told that one of the babies is not growing well. My doctor was travelling to the US and I was shifted to another hospital, which has a very good NICU. There I met a doctor, I don’t know she had a hidden agenda to deliver a celeb kid. She came with a purpose. She kept giving me injections and I started bleeding. She said she is giving me health boosters. I spoke to my doctor in the US, who told me not to take any injection or go for a delivery before time. She said, my two babies were in different sacs and even if one is not breathing, the other one was super strong. Everyone kept pressuring me and I reluctantly agree. The doctor wanted to deliver then and there.

I was taken to the OT in my 6th month. It was Caesarean. One was no more and one weighed 650 or 700 gms. It was just a little ball, which came out, my son. It’s a different sight. Such a tiny thing. Then came another story. I wanted to see my baby. I was on bed. Of all the damage that the doctor did to me mentally, physically and all, she damaged my system. My stitches opened. It was done very amateurishly, unprofessional and whatever you call it. I just wanted my baby to be healthy. And he turned out to be everything normal. We came home on Janmashtami. He is our little Krishna.