Exclusive - Bigg Boss 13's Himanshi Khurana: Have been body shamed a lot, but people don't know I have PCOS and because of it my weight keeps fluctuating

Bigg Boss 13's Himanshi Khurana is making waves with her new song, Bazaar. The actress is getting a lot of appreciation for her acting and the music video. Himanshi recently joined ETimes TV, to talk about her song, her relationship with Asim Riaz and future work. The actress also opened up about the constant scrutiny over her love life, social media trolling, getting body shamed. She also shared that last month was very difficult when she suffered panic attacks and had to take counselling. Excerpts from the interview. (Photo: Instagram) By: Vijaya Tiwari

I have been trolled a lot on social media. Before and after Bigg Boss 13. I have been body shamed a lot. I have PCOS, whoever doesn't understand it, please go and surf on the internet. Most of the girls go through it. People who know about it will relate with me. During PCOS, your body weight keeps fluctuating. Sometimes you lose so much weight and sometimes you gain a lot of weight. My blood pressure also fluctuates a lot. My BP levels sometimes drop so much that I have to take oxygen for three hours. My manager panics when I don't respond or get up. My entire team makes sure to keep me away from my phone when I am at home, they try to keep me distracted. We have made this rule, once we shut down the internet we don't talk about work. We do household chores, talk a lot, play games. So that we are away from such negative stuff. Like last night my makeup artist was really worried because of COVID-19, so we started playing cards, crosswords to cheer him up and support him. During lockdown, I was again trolled because of kisi ka gaana aaraha tha..., or making news to follow and unfollow someone. I am saying it's my social media and it's my prerogative who I want to follow or not. It's my personal account. I don't believe in digital relationships. I have been working in the industry for the last 10 years, if someone wants to talk to me, they directly call me or I directly do it. I don't need to follow someone and show it. If I follow only two people from Punjabi industry it doesn't mean the rest of the industry doesn't know me or I don't know them. If someone is coming up with a new song, if they do well, then they troll me and if they mess up, I am still trolled on social media, to hide their mistakes. (Photo: Instagram)

There was a time last month that I started getting panic attacks, then I had to take counselling, I met a psychiatrist. I am mentally very strong and deep down I know that this is show business and I have to take care of myself. It took two weeks of healing to get better. There were people who didn't even know me, but they were still writing nasty things about me and I was very depressed. I thought how can these people be so hateful. How can someone make the other person feel so disgusting that he/she starts hating life. But then I took things in my own stride and started thinking positive, I lost some weight. I felt better. I am trying very hard to lose weight, but people need to understand the other person. I have gone through two surgeries and I feel positive about myself that I have managed to lose so much weight. I don't wish to flaunt abs and I am happy that I am able to shed a few extra kilos. I am ok with people liking me the way I am and I don't feel like changing for anyone. I only have positive people around me. (Photo: Instagram)

I am really sad with few media organisations. Because they don't do any fact check, they just publish anything sometimes. You get up in the morning and you realise that you have been made a part of some controversy which you are not related to anywhere. There are paid PRs who only want to bash other people whether she is related or not, they just write negative things. I just lose my mind when I see such stuff and when I try to clarify why I am being dragged into this, they troll me saying 'Oh dekho aagayi attention seeker'. Because they feel that if the artist is right she will never come to clarify herself, but I think otherwise. I feel if I have not done anything wrong why should I be quiet. So, I just want to request these people please go ahead and hire paid publicity but don't try to tarnish someone else's image as you don't know what the other person is dealing with or going through. Last month was very really terrible for me. I am happy people are speaking up now.

Everyone knows that whenever I do a music video, I call for the audio and if I like it, I do it. So, when Bazaar's audio came to me, I really liked it. Afsana is a brilliant singer. The song is very emotional and touchy. I had done a song named Mann Bhariya which was also emotional. So, when such songs come to me I get really excited as I get to emote different emotions. I got excited when this song came to me and after the video was shot it came to me on my drive and I took screen grab, because I liked it so much. I was waiting for it to release. I am very happy that the song is getting such an amazing response. We finished this song in a day as we did not have too many dates. I still excited before the shoot of every song and I can't sleep nicely a day before the song. It was very hot there and the last shot was the rain sequence. I was unwell while shooting it. We had shot for 12 hours at a stretch from 4 in the evening till 4 am in the morning. But the team was very nice and we had a great time shooting. (Photo: Instagram)

He knew I was doing the song. I have this habit of first listening to the song and then agreeing to feature in it. So, when I got the copy of Bazaar, I was very excited and had shared about the same with Asim. He always praises my work when he likes it and vice versa. Recently, when his song 'Teri Gali' came out, I praised him. I had known about the same because things were finalised in front of me. We keep pushing each other as partners. He likes Bazaar's audio a lot. He keeps writing heavy and quite meaningful praises for me, now it has become a norm that my songs come out and he showers praises on me. It feels really nice. (Photo: Instagram)

I don't believe in this short and long distance relationship. It is all in your mind. There are so many stories we are getting to hear about how husband-wife and couples are fighting with each other after staying together for a long period. Everyone wants their other half to go to work and give space (laughs). We both are working, so we are not able to talk to each other that much. When he gets free, I am working, when I get free he's working. But we make sure to try and talk to each other at least once in a day and ask about each other's health, daily routine. We respect each other's space and try to balance that we don't lose focus about work. (Photo: Instagram)

The most difficult part is that our profession is linked with the media. When you are doing a regular job 9 to 5, your personal life is not written about everyday. But with our profession trust and understanding becomes the most important part of the relationship. In our profession, he has to work with other female actresses and I work with male actors, so understanding has to be there. So, we have to be broad minded and being artists we have that understanding in both of us. Having said that, Bigg Boss has recently gotten over and every now and then things about Asim and me are written about. If his song comes out and I don't share that becomes a news. We have tried to clear it some 20 times but it doesn't get better. We can't keep answering every time. Also, when we are working we can't expect to only work with each other. Individually, we both have our careers, he is Asim Riaz and I am Himanshi Khurana. We went inside the Bigg Boss house as individuals and came out together but that doesn't mean we will only work with each other. There is so much pressure of work and already because of COVID-19 shooting norms have become tough. People have become so judgmental about everything we can't keep clarifying every time. Also, we are not teenagers to fight on petty issues, we are mature and behave that way. (Photo: Instagram)

Our shoot for Kalla Sohna Nahin went very smoothly. We didn't even realise, we were working together. Not many people know that I had very high fever during the shooting of the music video. I was travelling a lot that time especially back to back in flights. In fact, I was so unwell that for many scenes I wasn't able to stand also. So, our aim was to most up the scenes quickly. Once, the director would say 'cut' I would rest in my vanity. We had a nice time shooting it and the team was very sweet. Gurinder Bawa directed the music video. The atmosphere on the sets was very comfortable. Shooting for Khayal Rakhya Kar was comparatively very easy, because when a real-life pair is romancing each other on-screen, it comes out naturally and looks quite real. So, it was very easy shooting for Khayal Rakhiya Kar. (Photo: Instagram)

He is very expressive and any girl would love to have a partner like him. I don't express that much so I get judged a lot. I am a little superstitious when it comes to romance, I feel nazar lag jaati hai. He is a very nice person. (Photo: Instagram)

People have started judging everyone through social media, they don't see how a person is in real life. They hardly give importance to an individual based on his/her personal life. Social media has become so big but why don't people notice celebrities activities and interests?If two people are dating each other, it doesn't mean they are similar in nature and have the same interests. Asim likes rapping and American music and people easily accept that thing. But when I like shayaris, poetry, Punjabi novels, stories, serious romantic stuff and I share about them they link it with my personal life. Oh she must be going through some trouble in my personal life. I like posting jokes, memes on daily life with siblings, as an artist if I like something, I post about it. But the moment I post something serious like a shayari, they link it with my personal life. My mom loves reading Punjabi love stories, literature, intense novels and I have got it from her. I like Ghazals a lot and post about it, they never relate with it and think a person living such a life can never have such likes. They think who hears Ghazals in today's time when people like peppy numbers. They feel it is odd. In fact, I have surrendered. I feel how much I can clarify. My entire team is of girls so we are feminist to some extent. We share such stuff, and my team and close ones don't judge me so I post what I like, but then it becomes a mudda (controversy). What disturbs me the most to me is when Asim posts such stuff, they don't judge him, but when I do, it becomes a big controversy. They start calling me attention seeker. When I post something positive, they say oh she is purposely doing it. (Photo: Instagram)

I started working at a very early age in my career. I did my first movie when I was 16 and that film was a blockbuster in Punjab. But after watching that film I realised that I was very naive. Felt experience is very important. I felt I needed more experience of facing the camera before I start doing more movies, so I decided to take a break. I made this decision that I will give a few years to myself. I was a teenager at that time. My body language was very different then, so I didn't want to waste myself by doing back to back movies. I kept movies on hold and decided to prepare myself. So, when two years ago I decided to do movies, here in Punjabi industry people were making multi starrers and that I was not very keen on doing. These films had no scope of performance, so I decided that whenever I do movies I need good banner and performance oriented roles. I wanted to choose the best film because you don't get too many chances in life. I am being offered a web series, a Punjabi movie and I like working in this industry. I am comfortable here so I don't aspire to be in Bollywood. But never say never. I like Ayushmann Khurrana, his films always have good subjects when you watch them you feel like you have watched something good. If I am given a chance I would like to work with him, Rajkummar Rao, Vicky Kaushal. I don't want to be an eye candy. I like watching Vidya Balan, Kangana Ranuat, Richa Chadha, Alia Bhatt's movies. (Photo: Instagram)

I have done the biggest reality show of India Bigg Boss 13. It was a very tough show. It gave me a lot, it took few things also from me. If I get something exciting, I will surely do it. I am very adventurous so if I am offered Khatron Ke Khiladi I would take up. Once we were shooting at a hill station, so when I got some free time, I went and tried my hands at mountain climbing. (Photo: Instagram)