My Delhi in 2011?

As 2011 dawns on this delightfully fly-overed city, there is much to look forward to.
We will continue to dodge collapsing over-bridges even though Kalmadi will no longer be the fall guy; we will continue to see our mobile conversations either taped or for that matter end abruptly thanks to the burgeoning spectrum and we will continue to have the fashion fraternity spice up our lives without a stitch of contribution either to our sartorial elegance or for that matter our style quotient.
Delhi will remain the capital of India even though the Gujjars will find some excuse or the other to prevent people holidaying in Rajasthan to come to our fine city; Delhi will remain the last bastion of culture especially when there is none and the India International Centre will remain the place where the youngest minds come together to discuss how they should be writing their will. So how will 2011 shape up and what is it that we should be looking for? I have managed to create a few silos so that we can have a sharper focus as we look towards the year ahead.
Delhi will continue to throw some of the finest parties that resemble the Wild West. The guests will behave like horses and their food will be served in a garish house which resembles a barn just as they are about to kill each other or dose off. So in 2011 do not expect Delhi homes to serve you dinner when they can easily keep you under hunger-arrest till 2am. Most women who are out of shape will either wear Dior or some unpronounceable designer name until their mothers-in-law throw up just as they are leaving home which would be about the time that the old codger gets up for her daily prayers to the Lord. Most men will limit their vocabulary at dinners to ‘Wassup?’ and you would be expected to reply in short bursts so that the fine gents can understand what the hell you are saying.
Delhi men and women will continue to read as ferociously as ever. Porn magazines and their ilk (now called skin magazines) will be their staple diet even as they go on several to look hot and young. These men are the reason why Delhi is seen as India’s intellectual capital. All you need to ask one of these hunks is who the Prime Minister of India is and promptly shall Rahul Gandhi’s name pop up since almost all these Delhi male are futurists of the finest kind.
Restaurants in Delhi will be always packed just as they are launched because that’s when the food and the drink are free. You will see people exult about the food and comment on the niceties as if they were to the manor born. All you will need to do is scratch the surface and out shall spill some dal makhani. Embassy dinners shall remain extremely entertaining as some Ambassador rolls out the red carpet and some wretched wine to honour his national day even though the country may no longer be on the map.
As a city we’ll again demonstrate our commitment to sport. Every pre-tournament party will be packed while the tournament will be forgotten. We shall be the only city, which for years, will be satisfied with a half-marathon as if the full one is going to kill us. Many of us shall continue to feel that the Commonwealth Games are yet to be held since the city will resemble the excavations of Harappa. Suresh Kalmadi and A Raja shall remain the topics of discussion at every party they are not at. And if they are found at a dinner, most Delhi folks will be warming up to them just in case they don’t go to jail and/or return to power.
We as a city shall continue to salute cars with flashing red-lights even if we don’t allow ambulances to overtake us; we shall have more fashion weeks than there are in our calendar and designers will be fighting off the ramp for our attention rather than on it. Food shall remain the constant topic of discussion especially when it is free and some will be called idiots just after they’ve served good food and drink – so much for the benevolence and compassion of every Delhi citizen. Not to mention their stellar pedigree.
Finally, this will remain a bewitching city – after all we have India’s Parliament here and some of the finest men and women will be found in that haloed institution doing pretty much nothing except clogging our streets. So while 2011 will promise a lot, like most of us in Delhi, will deliver precious little. Have a wonderful 2011.
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