What is it like to live on sedatives?

Driving back from work one evening, I witnessed something that I truly wish to forget. Like all of us, I had read about accidents, but never quite understood the psychological impact on those who witnessed it. However, it was time for all that to change.
As I waited for the red light to turn green, I watched as a water tanker crushed a man riding a scooter ahead.I had never seen a human being lie so still. Call me under-exposed to the horrors of life, but I was dumbstruck with terror and cannot get the image of the man lying in a pool of blood out of my mind.
Seeing the police arrive at the accident spot, I pulled myself together and returned home, unaware of the repercussions to follow. After spending a restless night, spent mostly turning sides and trying to banish negative thoughts, I woke up with a numb leg. Following a series of delays and wrong diagnosis, a doctor finally related the problem—a compressed nerve—to the mentally traumatic experience I had undergone.
I was advised sedatives (longer than what I had expected). To get rid of the nagging pain, I was ready to take anything that could make me feel better.
The first dose made me sleep endlessly, when earlier every little background noise had the ability to wake me up. It felt good to be able to sleep peacefully, but the feeling didn't last long. Soon enough, my affinity towards the sedatives turned into hatred and loathing.
After consuming the pill, it felt like I lost control over my body; I couldn’t think clearly, speech was slurred and my body trembled. I had a delayed response to people as my brain couldn’t instantly process questions. I dreaded taking the next dose, knowing what it would do to me, but there wasn’t any alternative.
Things were to get worse. The doctor asked me to increase the dosage, since the body gets immune to sedatives after a while. But the more pills I popped, the more I lost control. I wanted to be awake and resume my normal life, but my body wouldn’t let me. As soon as I would take the pill, I would be transmitted to a zone where I lost connection with the outside world. It did feel nice in the beginning, as it helped me escape the stress, but soon the isolation started killing me from inside. I feared missing out on things and, most importantly, the simple joys of being able to talk and listen!
I had read up the symptoms online and discovered that suicidal thoughts and depression were some side-effects of the medicine. It wasn’t all wrong as I can’t remember the number of times I felt worthless. I couldn't decide if the pill was helping me or worsening my condition. However, my nerve pain was getting better and that's what mattered to the doctors.
I remember the saying, “Be careful what you wish for, you might get it”, and now understand its true meaning. I regret the times I wished for a life where I could just eat and sleep, without realising it could actually come true.
It’s really strange how you start to appreciate normalcy only after it’s taken away from you. I would give anything to be able to go back to being “busy”. To be able to get up in the morning, get ready, drive to work, be exposed to stringent deadlines and drive back home with a feeling of accomplishment, of a day well-spent!