Will I be able to have a happy married life like my parents have?

I had already faced the question of ‘settling down in life’ from distant family members when my parents seriously broached the subject of marriage as I turned 26. The first thought to sweep over my mind at that moment was, “Oh God! I have just started my life and they already want me to tie the knot and shoulder the responsibilities that come with marriage?” As if reading my thoughts, my mother quickly added, “At your age, I was already the mother of a child.”

My parents have been married for 25 years and their relationship is still growing strong. Unfortunately, my faith in marriage is not as staunch as theirs. Whenever anyone starts the topic of marriage, the uncertainty of the future worries me more than finding a perfect match.

Perhaps, it’s easier to find a partner nowadays, thanks to all the dating apps and matrimonial websites. Sadly, marriage is not only about finding the right partner. It’s about spending your lifetime with him through the best and worst of times. The apps and websites don’t guarantee that because their job ends in finding you a partner, and not guaranteeing a lifetime of togetherness. So, how did my parents manage to find each other?

It’s not just me, I have seen most of my friends treating commitment as a monster. It doesn’t take them long to find a boyfriend or a girlfriend and then even less time to end a relationship for the silliest reasons. As a result, we end up emotionally scarred without even realising it, perhaps. At least, I still carry the baggage of my past relationships.

After an ugly break-up with my school sweetheart, who I have dated for 7 years, I asked my mother, “How did you know that Pa is the right person for you?” She looked at my tear-drenched face and replied. “It’s not about finding the right person. It’s about treating a relationship with the right approach. There are so many things about your father that I don’t like, and I am sure he feels the same about me. But there are also so many things about him that I love. That is more important.” I was too young to understand what she meant because my aching heart longed for love that I had read about in romantic novels.

I have never caught my parents displaying their affection publicly or exchanging ‘I love you’ at the drop of a hat. Ironically, I also have friends who start doubting their partner if he or she doesn’t reply to their partner’s message on phone immediately. My parents don't talk over the phone for hours, yet my mother knows exactly what my father would like to eat when he has a cold or my father needs no phone reminder to tell him when to administer my mother with her daily insulin dose.

Perhaps, it’s possible to have a stable marriage just like what our parents have. Perhaps not. But we will never find out unless we try, right? My mother once said, “No two marriages are same” and we need to put in our efforts, time and energy to make it work. Our parents or a matrimonial website might find us the perfect match, but it depends on us to make our life after marriage a perfect one.

(All images used here are representational)