What is the ‘Date them til you hate them’ trend—and why it’s going viral?

Okay, so have you been on TikTok lately? If you have, you probably saw a bunch of videos with people joking or being dead serious about this new relationship trend called “Date Them Til You Hate Them.” Yeah, it sounds harsh. But for some, it’s becoming a way to deal with messy relationships without diving into deep, uncomfortable conversations.

So, what is this whole thing about? Why are so many people hopping on it, and should anyone actually try it? I’ve been seeing it everywhere, and honestly it’s kind of relatable, kind of scary, and worth talking about.

It’s pretty simple. The idea is to stick around in a relationship long enough for the little annoying things your partner does to pile up until you’re totally over it. Instead of bringing up problems or having tough talks about what’s wrong, you just let it stew until you can’t stand it anymore and walk away.

Sounds crazy, right? But some people swear by it because it feels like a way to emotionally prepare themselves for the breakup. Like, if you’re already annoyed, why not just go with it and save yourself the shock of calling it quits?

A TikToker named Meg Neil really made it popular when she shared how she drifted away from a long-term relationship by letting things build up quietly instead of hashing them out. She said that by the time she finally left, she was already emotionally done it didn’t hit her like a brick.

Now it’s spreading like wildfire. Some people laugh about it, some see it as a coping mechanism, and some feel like it’s exactly what they’ve been doing without naming it.

Talking about problems is hard
Let’s be honest. Bringing up issues in a relationship isn’t exactly fun. It’s awkward, tense, and sometimes terrifying. Nobody wants to start a fight or admit that things aren’t working. And when you’re already stressed out, anxious, or emotionally drained, it feels easier to just keep quiet and let it play out.

So instead of confronting problems head-on, some people are letting things get worse in silence until they don’t have to pretend anymore.
Breakups are brutal
Breakups are messy. They come with anxiety, self-doubt, loneliness, and all kinds of emotional exhaustion. Nobody wants to go through that unless they absolutely have to.

So some feel like this method makes it easier. If you’ve already built up frustration over time, it’s like you’re bracing for the worst. When it finally happens, it doesn’t feel like a shock—it feels like relief.

Dating apps suck
Dating apps are supposed to make it easier to meet people, but let’s be real they’re exhausting. Endless swiping, ghosting, and shallow chats leave people drained.

Some find it easier to stick with the relationship they’re already in, even if it’s not great, rather than keep searching for something better. They’d rather “date them til they hate them” than keep going through disappointment after disappointment.

They’ve seen bad relationships before
Lots of people have seen toxic relationships play out, whether with their family, friends, or even past partners. Emotional manipulation, lies, and fights can leave deep scars.

Because of that, jumping into a relationship too quickly feels risky. So rather than start another relationship that could end badly, some are letting it collapse slowly instead.

Love doesn’t have to be everything
For a lot of younger people, being in a relationship isn’t the end-all-be-all. Friendships, hobbies, personal growth, these things can feel more fulfilling than dating someone just because it’s what’s expected.

Some are realizing that they don’t need romance to feel happy or complete. They’re more interested in building their lives on their own terms than rushing into something that doesn’t feel right.

Here’s where it gets complicated. Sometimes people feel like they need a buffer to emotionally protect themselves, especially if they’re dealing with trauma, anxiety, or stress. In those moments, slowly pulling away might feel like a way to cope without going through a painful confrontation.

But experts agree, it’s not a long-term solution. It’s more of a band-aid that covers the wound rather than helping it heal. If you want relationships that actually support your well-being, learning how to communicate, set boundaries, and process emotions is key.

If you see yourself tempted by this trend, it might be a sign that you need to take a step back and figure out what’s really going on. Ask yourself:
Do I avoid conversations because I’m scared?
Do I feel emotionally overwhelmed?
Am I unsure about what I want in a relationship?
Instead of letting problems build up, try these instead:
Talk openly: Even if it’s awkward, saying what you feel helps prevent frustration from boiling over.
Set boundaries: Let your partner know what you need to feel respected and cared for.
Take space when needed: A little time apart can give both people clarity.
Seek support: Friends, therapists, or online communities can offer guidance and help you navigate emotions.