How to improve your relationship with your spouse
If your relationship is going through a rough patch and you have started seeing your lover in a negative light, this story might help you to shift your perspective and eventually strengthen your relationship. How? Famous American psychiatrist Aaron Beck, known as the father of cognitive therapy, suggests maintaining a ‘marriage diary’ can do wonders to a couple’s love life.
What the psychiatrist suggests
Aaron Beck in his book ‘Love Is Never Enough’ explains how sometimes partners develop the tendency to only see each other’s fault and not appreciate the positive traits. For instance, if a partner has labeled the other as ‘selfish’, this assumption tends to snowball with time. In turn, it becomes easier to spot the ‘selfish’ acts of your spouse and the generous ones get ignored.
The concept of ‘marriage diary’
In Beck’s words, “We see each other through the bias of negative frames.” He suggests keeping a ‘marriage diary’ where a partner writes down the things their spouse do to please them, can help to increase the satisfaction level in their relationship.
The experiment
Beck cites about an experiment where psychologist Mark Kane Goldstein conducted a survey where each spouse was given a sheet where they were asked to keep the track of all the activities of their lover that pleased them. Next, these respondents were asked to rank these acts on a scale of ten indicating their satisfaction level.
The result
Goldstein concluded that a whopping 70 per cent of these couples reported an improvement in their relationship, and started appreciating the efforts their partners made for them.
Considering the opposite
Psychologists call this technique ‘considering the opposite’ where partners try to shift their focus from negative traits of their partner to the little day-to-day pleasures associated with them.
The next time…
Every relationship goes through ups and downs, and every couple fights. What matters is that both the partners make efforts to resolve the issues in their relationship and not make a negative perception about each other. The key to a successful marriage is to appreciate (and write) the little things your partner does for you and practise gratitude.
(All images used here are representational)
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