Finding love in an arranged marriage: Indian couples share their stories

Someone once said, “There is no ‘right’ kind of marriage. The couple involved need to make it right.” What makes a marriage work is something of a mystery because every marriage is unique. Still, there are ingredients—love, trust, compatibility, adjustment, etc.—that can make it stronger. Some people fall in love and then get married, others who have had an arranged marriage tie the knot after meeting each other just a couple of times and most do it without even being in love or knowing much about each other. Does it mean people in an arranged marriage are less likely to be in love or find love compared to their counterparts who took the vows after becoming the victim of cupid? According to many couples who had an arranged marriage, they do fall in love and some have some defining moments while for others love just happens. So, let’s hear what a few Indian married couples said about the moment they fell in love with their spouse.

“My husband was based in a different city and I had to leave my job to be there with him after marriage. I started getting very stressed when even after searching for a job for months in the new city, I failed to find any employment. One day I broke down after seeing my bank balance because I didn’t even have enough money to travel home in case I needed to do so. I cried and told my husband that it will be very difficult for me to survive without a job in the city because of the high expenses. He held me close and said, ‘We are in it together. Yes, it will be difficult and there will be challenges. But we will make it work, isn’t it?’ I fell in love with him at that moment. Till then I was thinking only about myself but when he addressed my situation as ‘our’ situation, I realised we have become a couple in the real sense,” shared Preeti Sharma.

“A few months after our marriage, my mother was hospitalised and she had to undergo surgery. My father was too old to visit her in the hospital and I had to be home with him. My wife then volunteered to be with my mother in the hospital. She stayed with my mother for two weeks, took care of her like her own mother and during critical moments when the rest of the family members were at their wit’s end, she maintained her cool and consulted with the team of doctors for the right advice. The person whose existence I had no idea a few months back became my pillar of strength during the most challenging stage of my life. It was that moment I realised the importance of a life partner and my love and respect for her have grown stronger ever since,” shared Rajeev Pandey.

“It’s been seven years since we got married and to this day my friends and family tease me about how I had shed tears when I saw my wife crying during her ‘bidaai’. Ours is an arranged marriage and I met her just thrice before getting married. But when I saw her breaking down while bidding farewell to her parents after the wedding, I realised how difficult it must be for her to leave the comfort of her home and settle down with a man who is almost a stranger. It was trust that was making her do so and when I realised this, I fell in love with her. That was a defining moment of my married life,” said Akshay Tripathi.

“When I got married, I hardly knew my husband or his family. I had a lot of adjustment issues after marriage. The first six months of our marriage were very tumultuous and we had our first major fight then. My husband had got a better-paying job in another city, which he declined because he didn’t want to stay away from his parents. I was furious and after a bitter fight, I packed my bags and left for home. It really surprised me when I found my husband waiting for me at the airport. He stood there as I berated him in front of a crowd. After that I cooled down and he calmly lifted my bags and said his place is my home too and we are together for a lifetime. I was very angry at him but at the same time, I fell in love with him for being such a mature person and handling my tantrums,” Anuradha Agarwal.

“We have been married for twenty-six years now and are the parents of two college-going young men. It will be very difficult to describe or define a moment when I fell in love with my wife. I guess I fell in love with her one day at a time. When we became parents or when she sat by my bedside as I recovered from a chronic illness. The first time when she addressed my mother as ‘Ma’ and every time our children calls her ‘Ma’. I fell in love with her patience and her anger, her passion and her laughter, and I discovered all that slowly as we and our relationship aged together. There is not one moment when I fell in love with her. There are many,” shared V.S. Gopal.

(All images used here are representational)