I was in love with a man who never wanted to get married and it was the most painful experience of my life

Matters of the heart are always complicated and sometimes, beyond our understanding. I met a man at a party and we instantly hit it off. We shared completely different perspectives towards life but got along really well. While I wanted to settle down and have a beautiful family in the future, he made it clear that marriage was not his thing. He never wanted to tie the knot but he had a mysterious streak that attracted me towards him.

We chatted for hours at that party and exchanged numbers to stay in touch. Soon, we started hanging out together and realised we shared a great chemistry. We started liking each other and even confessed our feelings for each other. But he never took a step forward nor proposed his love (if there was any) for me.

I was in love with him and I wanted to spend my life with him. After two months, I could no longer be ‘just friends’ with him and therefore, proposed him. While he happily agreed to be my ‘boyfriend’ but he clearly specified a few things before entering into the relationship. He reminded me again that he would be a loyal, honest and caring partner but he would never get married. He had experienced terrible heart breaks in his past and has no faith in the institution of marriage. Even I was not sure what the future had in store for us readily agreed to this deal.

I had the best time of my life with him for the next few months. He turned out to be the man I always wanted to be with. We shared a beautiful relationship and surprisingly, we never even had any argument. My love life was perfect and I had no reason to complain about anything.

It is natural for anyone to be protective and a little insecure about someone you love, isn’t it? I was in love and started dreaming of a future with him. I was apprehensive thinking what life had in store for us and wanted his lifelong commitment. I thought my love would heal all his scars and he might change his perception about marriage. I secretly hoped he would change and one fine day, propose me for marriage.

We had been dating for more than a year and I wanted to take things to the next level. We met for a lunch date and I confessed all the things that were going on in my mind. I asked whether he would like to consider getting married to me in the near future and he instantly replied ‘no’ with a polite smile. I could see he was upset and did not want to hurt my feelings. But he knew what he wanted and marriage was never in that list. He reminded me how he had made his intentions clear when we started dating. I tried my best to convince him that not all marriages have a sad ending, but he never agreed.

We mutually parted ways and I knew the time ahead is going to be tumultuous. I blamed myself for this failed relationship. He had set the expectation level right from the very first day and it was me who over expected things. It has been three months since we broke up but I still miss him. We shared some good memories and created some great moments but what was the point of investing my time, emotions and energy in a relationship that has no future? I still regret the day I met him because our relationship left me emotionally scarred forever. Sometimes, I wonder how life would have turned out if we were on the same page emotionally but life is not about ‘ifs’ and ‘buts’, right?

(All images used here are representational)