Parenting expert decodes how domestic violence affects children who witness it

The psychological impact of domestic violence on primary victims, that is those who endure and live through the maltreatment, physical attacks, and other forms of abuse, is extremely worrisome. It can not only take a toll on a person's mental well-being, but can also leave a long lasting traumatic effect on their personality and their existence. But what is often missed in the process is the impact domestic violence can have on those who witness it all, especially children.

In a YouTube video, Riri Trivedi, a certified past life regression therapist and co-founder of Wellness Space and Society for Energy and Emotions (SEE), talks about the depiction of domestic violence in the new Netflix movie 'Darlings' and how it affects the woman.

However, Trivedi mentions how the effects of abuse on the wife or husband is widely known, which is why she shifts the focus on how domestic violence can have a 'huge impact' on the children who witness it.

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Domestic violence is any type of violent behaviour or abuse inflicted on someone, who falls in the close domestic circle of the abuser. This can include a partner, ex-partner, immediate family members, relatives and/or family friends. Given that domestic violence can be wide-ranging in the form of physical, emotional, and sexual abuse, it can take a terrifying toll on the victim. However, witnessing it can be as damaging as experiencing it.

According to Trivedi, there are many people who witness domestic abuse when they're kids and as a result, they grow up in an environment of chronic stress, anxiety and toxic emotions like anger, frustration, helplessness, insecurity.

"This is not healthy for the child," she notes.

"Domestic violence done by either partner in the presence of children makes it toxic multifold because now it's not just affecting the two people who are concerned, but it is being carried forward to the future generation," she explained.

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Besides experiencing stress, anxiety, Riri Trivedi explains that witnessing domestic violence can also cause PTSD.

"Chronic violence or domestic violence for over 10-20 years sometimes can cause complex PTSD amongst adults. Domestic violence makes a child feel extremely unsafe and from childhood, the child starts feeling insecure... so the child starts having sleep issues, may become hyper-vigilant or hyper-active, going towards borderline ADHD kind of behaviours," the expert further explains.

Children who witness domestic violence are often unable to focus on their daily activities.

Referring to her clients experience, Trivedi says that kids may even refrain from going to school as it gives light to stress and anxiety.

"We have adults, who say that as children they did not want to go to school because they were scared that if they left the mother alone, the mother would be beaten up and the mother's life would be in danger. Because of this even going to school would become an anxiety," she narrates.

As per Trivedi, "Children get affected by domestic violence in more ways than one."

She says, "It affects their physiology, it affects their psychology and it affects a lot of their subsequent behaviours that come out as coping structures from this violent environment."

The expert further highlights how such children, who have witnessed long term abuse of their parents unknowingly become 'perpetuators' of similar kind of domestic violence, even when they do not want to do it.

Children that grow up watching a parent physically, emotionally and sexually abused may go on to bear its effects even in their adult years.

This may result in chronic anxiety, depression, certain health problems including heart disease, obesity, and diabetes, which could be triggered due to a poor diet or environmental risks.

Furthermore, witnessing repeated abusive patterns may compel the child to view this violent behaviour as something 'normal', which knowingly or unknowingly leads to a cyclical pattern. In most cases, while sons develop an aggressive nature, abuse their partners in their adulthood, daughters become more prone to violent and sexual assaults by their partners.

First and foremost, ensure that you are safe. Only then will your child feel safe too. Prioritize your mental stability and safety. Seek necessary support and find a way to gain your freedom.

Next, teach your child about healthy relationships. Educate them about toxic behaviours and discuss what healthier interactions sound like. Make sure you help them manage their emotions and teach them healthy ways to resolve disputes in friendships.

Most importantly, teach your children about healthy boundaries. Help them understand why respecting people's space and opinions is necessary and important. This will help them build trust in the long run.