Why kids stop talking to their parents: Parenting mistake that creates silence

We learn most things at home first. How to walk, how to speak, how to respond to people around us. From early random gibberish sounds to full sentences, it all begins there. It is also where we slowly understand what is acceptable, how to behave and how to fit in.

Somewhere in all of this, without even realising it, we also learn when to stop speaking. What begins as small pauses slowly becomes a habit of holding things in and complete silence. Before we even understand it, that quiet starts building inside, turning into something heavier, something we struggle to identify or name.

According to a 2023 study in Frontiers in Psychology, “Adolescents raised in supportive, open-communication households demonstrated significantly greater emotional expression and lower internalising symptoms compared to those in critical or dismissive environments.” This confirms that home is where emotional habits are formed and shows that criticism or dismissal leads to emotional suppression and silence.

Family communication patterns and emotional expression

It is critical to have conversations regarding mental health outside times of stress. Home environments should provide an opportunity to speak about personal concerns in a safe and accepting environment, much like other topics related to one's health. The home environment should also provide a supportive, non-judgmental setting that helps a person feel comfortable expressing themselves.

In an interview with the Times of India, Dr Kritisree Somanna, Consultant - Psychiatrist at KMC Hospital in Mangalore, shared, "One of the main fears of many parents and family members when it comes to communicating with their loved ones is that, despite providing all the chances possible for them to do so, no result seems to appear. In reality, the problem lies not in the lack of opportunity but rather in the way these opportunities are used. People who get criticised or offered advice in return will stop speaking up altogether. This kind of emotional distance is built because all one may need is a chance to feel listened to."



A 2018 study in Emotion shows that children exposed to environments where emotional expression was discouraged were more likely to adopt suppression strategies, leading to increased emotional distress over time. It supports that silence is learned early at home and shows how “holding things in” builds into long-term emotional difficulty.

Role of active listening in parent–child relationships and mental health outcomes

It is vital to understand the importance of active listening. Letting another person express his or her thoughts freely and with no interruptions is critical. Dr Somanna advised, "It is essential to be patient while doing that since building the necessary level of trust between two individuals takes time. The creation of such an environment requires consistent action. Discussions about events in one's daily routine – at mealtime, before bedtime or in general relaxed discussions – might gradually become a norm in which talking is a natural process."

A preprint review by Weinstein, Hill and Law found that perceived parental listening - characterised by attentiveness, non-judgment and emotional validation - was strongly associated with improved psychological well-being and willingness to disclose distress. This directly backs the importance of active listening and non-judgmental responses, reinforcing that feeling “heard” increases openness and trust.

It is no less important that the parents and other family members should give an example of an open discussion of their own feelings appropriately and healthily. It remains possible to provide guidance and give advice, although in certain situations it might not be the right course of action.

Dr Somanna suggested, "Rather than providing correction in the moment when children are particularly sensitive, it might be better to choose some neutral topic, like a book or a movie, as an opportunity to share valuable ideas. In cases where professional help is needed, there is no shame in it; instead, seeking it means making a step towards a positive change. In certain cases, people might find it easier to talk to an impartial stranger than to a parent."

A home should remind you that your feelings are valid. That they matter but at the same time, it is crucially important to respect emotional space while still being present. Not every conversation needs fixing, sometimes it simply needs listening because when conversations don’t start at home, silence takes over and by the time we finally speak, it is often after the damage is already done.