Toxic positivity: What does it mean and why is it harmful for children?

Every parent wants their child to be safe and happy. It means the world to them and there's no two ways about it. But it is important to note that your child is actually happy and not just pretending because you want them to be. Surely positivity and optimism are extremely good qualities you wish to see in your children, but if you're continuously telling them to smile and brush off their problems, then it can take a toxic turn. So what is it that you need to know? Read on to find out...

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Toxic positivity is all about dismissing negative feelings and emotions. It is when people are encouraged to maintain a positive mindset, even amidst difficult situations. For instance, if a person has lost something precious in their life and you just go to them and tell them to “just stay positive” or “look on the brighter side," it is likely to encourage them to shut down or suppress their emotions, rather than talking about how they're feeling.

Furthermore, if a person is troubled or disappointed with certain aspects in their life and you tell them that happiness is a choice, it's likely to make them feel guilty about their own sadness.

That said, there can be many ways to trigger toxic positivity, where a person is compelled to push down their real emotions and pretend to be happy.

Even though it might seem like children have no problems in life, you must validate their emotions and listen to what they have to say.

If they feel out of their element, sad about a loss of a pet, disappointed about their friend's behaviour or simply unhappy about something, it is not right to just tell them that it will be better and that they should "be positive".

Doing so will send the wrong message. It might even tell them that being sad and anxious are abnormal and that they should always have a happy mask on. That said, children need to know that their emotions are valid, that their suffering is understandable and authentic. This facilitates growth and enhances the ability to face problems and communicate them.

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Toxic positivity or encouraging children to be positive all the time can sometimes take away their ability to learn resilience. They may lack the qualities to overcome difficult situations. Furthermore, if they're not trained to feel emotions around failure, pain, and loss, they may also develop behavioural issues in the future.

So, as parents, let's focus on raising kids who are able enough to deal with their emotions both negative and positive. Let's teach kids to be resilient and tough in times of trials and tribulations.

There are several phrases that we use in our day to day lives that can encourage toxic positivity. Some of them are as follows:

"Don’t worry, just stay positive!”

"Everything happens for a reason"

"Look on the brighter side"

"Cheer up! It's not the end of the world"

"It will all get better soon"

"It could have been worse"

"You should smile more"

Toxic positivity can impact your child's life in several ways. It can also alter behaviours. If you have been telling them to get over their feelings and to be more happy, here's when you must stop:

- They have stopped communicating about their problems.

- They dismiss all negative feelings.

- They're constantly feeling guilty about being sad or angry

- They're always trying to hide their true emotions.

- They keep repeating "it could be worse"

- They tend to portray a perfect life (no one's life is perfect)

Rather than focusing on seeing your child happy, emphasize on their real happiness. Give them the chance to open up, to speak their truth, to talk about how they're really feeling.

They don't want to hear that it's all going to be fine, they want to know how it's going to get better. Provide a solution rather than telling them how everything will be rainbows and sunshine.

If they're grieving a loss, grieve with them rather than telling them that it will pass and the loved one is in a better place.

Do not tell them to move on until they're ready on their own. Be with them, lend a helping hand.