“Do not focus on your children only”: This and other parenting advices Sudha Murthy has for parents

Sudha Murthy is a reference book for the present generation. Be it parenting advice or her anecdotes, Sudha Murthy has a unique way of explaining how to solve a problem.

We all see the glimpses of our lives in her stories and her vivid narration connects us to her so much.

1950 born Murthy is the wife of N. R. Narayana Murthy, the co-founder of Infosys. An engineer, a social worker, recipient of one of the highest civilian awards in the country- the Padma Shri, a philanthropist, Sudha Murty dons many hats.

Mother to two, Murthy's parenting techniques have always been adored by the new-age parents who on one hand want to inculcate traditionalism into parenting and on the other hand want their kids to be at par with modernism. Murthy's parenting advice holds both modernism and traditionalism at its core.

Just like every relationship, in the relationship between children and parents there should be respect for each other's space. There should not be congestion, clash of friction in the ideas and opinions of the two generations she says. Giving them space will give them a chance to rethink their decisions, their likings and their dislikings. In an interview she had said, if your child doesn't like certain things to eat, leave them on their own for some time, do not force them to eat. Keep the food aside and let them eat it whenever they like. Let them decide when they want to eat.

Do not force a child to follow things. Do not push your habits into the child. Set an example before them. Make it so exemplary that the child would love to pick it up as a habit, says Murthy in one of her blogs. Children are like sponges, they pick up the habits from observing their parents. So do not do anything that you do not want your child to pick up as a habit, she says.

If you want your child to study in the evening, you also have to pick up a book and read at that time, she says.

Children do not need heroes outside homes; they absorb a lot from their parents. They do not do what their parents ask them to do, they do what they see their parents doing, she has said in one of her interviews.

Simple living is the easiest way to live through life and nobody can put it together perfectly than Sudha Murthy. Always revered for her simplicity and high thinking, Murthy always advises parents to follow the same in parenting. Be it food or attire or the decorum of the house, the Infosys Foundation Chairperson has always been a follower of simple living in her life.

This is one of her famous anecdotes where she talks about organising a birthday party for her son. Instead of spending 50,000 rupees for a birthday party she said, she suggested her son to have a small party and give the rest of the amount to their driver’s children for their education. “Initially my son did not agree,” she says. “But after three days he agreed to a small party. Many years later, on his birthday he gave his scholarship money and asked me to use it to help the families of soldiers who had lost their lives in the 2001 Parliament attack in India,” she says.

Teaching the idea of sharing money, kindness, love and hope to kids is very much essential. This indirectly teaches them equality and inclusivity.

While parenting needs a great deal of attention, putting the prime focus on the child will suppress the ability of the child to notice his or her own talents. In an interview she asked parents not to focus on children all the time. "Don’t pester your child to excel at everything aka swimming, piano, elocution, cricket, art etc. Let them ponder, let them think, give them free time, let them blossom at their own pace. Lead by example, if you want them to read, switch off your TV or phone and sit down to read yourself. Kids learn much more by example than by sermon,” she told a journal.

Sudha Murthy has asked parents to involve their children in decision making discussions. She has asked parents to help their children in making small decisions.

Giving kids a chance to take small decisions will not only help them understand the situation better it will also expose them to pros and cons of that particular situation.

If a child is not convinced with your decision, give them options and allow them to choose from it.