My partner has alcohol or drug addiction. What should I do?

A partner who is developing or actively facing substance addiction can be very debilitating to deal with. You may begin to feel that you are being emotionally and/or financially exploited and being manipulated by him to stick together. You may develop second thoughts about your relationship with him/her but if you try to act on those thoughts, you may feel guilt-stricken. A partner who is addicted needs help, but that's only possible if they are willing to be helped. A reader asked us how one should deal with a partner who has alcohol or drug addiction. We are listing down help points that one should keep in mind.

BE STRICT: You have to be strict, not just with your partner but with yourself as well. You need to be very clear-cut about what you want and take care of yourself before you try to help your partner. Maintain a healthy lifestyle and follow it religiously before you try to help your partner better his life.

NEVER GET PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE: Now, when you set rules, just follow them and don't spill your anger and frustrations to the sober times. If you don't communicate to your partner while he is drunk or high, talk normally the next morning and don't act pissed. You have to be the one who clearly instates the boundaries. This is important because if you show frustration, it will only distance away your partner from you and from taking those boundaries seriously.

EDUCATE YOURSELF AND YOUR PARTNER: Often, our mindsets could be set by what social norms say and not science. There are many things you may not know about the boundary of addiction, what impacts does it have on one's mind and body and what should be the right approach if you want to seek help. Read about it as there's plenty in the books and online. Stay informed and help your partner look at the repercussions of his habit.

KNOW ABOUT CO-OCCURRING DISORDERS: Often, addiction can be a result of a mental illness, stress, anxiety or other such issues. According to National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA), if a person is suffering from substance use disorder, his chances of being diagnosed with mental illnesses double up. So, instead of asking your partner to control his addiction, talk to him about what is leading to that addiction. He may be more willing to talk to you about his anxiety, fears or depression than he may be about addiction.

TRY REWARDS: Basically, what alcohol and drugs do is give the person temporary pleasure that relaxes him from his stressful situation in the moment. So, if you replace the reward he gets through substance abuse by other rewards, such as short trips, going out, indulging in sports or anything that lets him keep his mind off the drug, it can be really helpful.