Column: Tongue in Check

Who’s this guy?
Who are all the older women gunning for these days? No, not some cinematic hunk, but a 18-year-old chiselled hunk, who’s also on the ‘hot list’ of the gay community. Kiiran Valentine may not be Jesus Luz (Madonna’s 18-year-old ex) but he sure has the city’s women going weak in the knees.

Gossip Girls
This bunch of five fashionistas, who often post exotic travel photos in their quirky clothes, it seems, are quite the gossip girls.From telling their close pals of roving partners and setting up traps to fix an unsuspecting friend and then telling his wife, they do it all. And guess what, their code word for their next target is ‘cupcake’. If you see them anywhere, you better be on your best behaviour. Behind their trend-spotting glances are investigating eyes.

Padded punch
While some ladies are going gaga over this #proudtobleed campaign, Gitanjali Selvaraghavan has cut them all to size with a crackling status on her Facebook page. “I don’t believe flashing a pad is going to make people ‘think more openly’ about periods. We live in a world where a part of the population do not even believe in using condoms. Hold up a used condom and I’ll hold up a pad.” (sic)

Kiran Rao scouting for land
Cafe queen Kiran Rao, known for her sprawling garden cafe, realty sources say, is scouting for prime land to launch her business on the ECR. A female realtor, who scouted for land, said, “She’s so picky and often is so sure, that she cancels appointments on hearing the specifications. She knows what she wants and hates us wasting her time.”

‘Solitarity’
The culture circles are abuzz with the sparkle that danseuse Lakshmi Ravichander is sporting these days. Mother of music sensation Anirudh was recently spotted at a concert decked in solitaires that caught the eye of one and all. Ditching the yellow statements in gold typical of Kutcheri queens, she rocked it in stunning solitaries.

Gay daddy and his massage lads
This buck-toothed business honcho, sources say, can’t keep his hands to himself during massages. Every hotel in the city and even stand-alone salons have had a bad experience with this salt-and-pepper gent’s groping advances. The unassuming lads who offer massages are complaining that they will not take repeat appointments.
Facebook Fruitcakes
These two socialites in the city are driving people up the wall with their saccharine sweet FB posts on people, events, birthday wishes and even hailing each other as women of substance. Non-stop live videos, dressing like a Christmas tree and turning up at events, these two women operate very differently. One, a total suck-up trying to praise every plebeian as the saviour of this planet, and the other, a self-obsessed newbie on the scene, is often scaring off people with her ‘natural, no-makeup look’ in her videos. The city is abuzz with the talk of these women, for whom FB is a full-time job.

Director in the dock
Award-winning director S, known for his mega-budget movies and particularly his magnum opus with one of the world’s most beautiful women, has been caught dumping his garbage on a litter-free street on ECR. Taking up complaints from the neighbours who had enough of this starry antics, the corporation swung into action and fined this baby-faced big daddy of cinema. It seems he never paid heed to repeated requests from his two neighbours who pleaded with him on many an occasion.

(Views expressed above are the author’s own)
Tongue In Check by Apsara Reddy - Writer, activist, anchor