When parents flaunt their kids’ grades online

The dreaded exam results are out for all three Indian syllabi—SSLC, CBSE and ICSE—and it is time to jump for joy and announce the happy results to the world or be disappointed and take cover. Not for the kids who took the exams, mind you, but for parents. You would be hard-pressed to open social media and not find parents flaunting how their children have made them proud by getting marks on the right side of 90%.Some even post the all-A+ grade cards online. Sure, it is a creditable achievement by kids who studied late into the nights, probably. But is there an element of ‘my kid is better than yours’ when these marks are posted online, and does it really matter that much?
Prasanth Nair, MD of the Kerala Shipping and Inland Navigation Corporation, and perhaps a bureaucrat with the greatest appeal among youngsters in the State, had recently made a social media post against the online flaunting of grades. He tells us that Class 10 results have little importance in the greater scheme of things and people should have more sense than to felicitate kids who have obtained good grades. “It is not a child’s personal achievement, but several positive factors, which other kids perhaps did not have access to, that enabled this. But our society celebrates this social segregation,” he says, adding that he was sensitised to this when as Kozhikode Collector, he tried to make provisions to improve the grades of the children in the government home and realised the incredible challenge it posed, because of the difficult financial, emotional and mental situations they came from.
He would decline invitations to programmes felicitating kids who received good marks, and in his typical humorous manner adds that if a scientist in Oxford makes a big discovery, it is not celebrated with a function and with a huge flex in ‘London junction’. “The Class 10 results are only a grading to decide what course kids can take next and the marksheets are only to be shown where required and not something to be posted online, with little regards for data privacy,” he says.
A few parents with kids who have just about managed a first class have—amazingly for Indian parents—also spoken of how very proud they are of their children. The post of one mother, Delhi-based Vandana Sufia Katoch, whose son scored 60% in Class 10, has gone viral, and with good cause. “Here’s to you... and others like you – fishes asked to climb trees... keep your innate goodness, curiosity and wisdom alive,” she writes lovingly to her son.
This is the example of an A+ parent, as Malayali disaster management expert Muralee Thumarakudy, who is based in Switzerland, suggests in his social media post after the results were announced. Our lives are like a lottery where we cannot pick the circumstances or the parents we are born to, he writes. “But we should try to be A+ parents. Let children study according to their capacity. Don’t deprive them of their self-esteem,” he advises.
Nishad M, a media person who posts regular updates on social media, had also put his daughter’s marks and congratulated her for her 94.5%, but is very critical of parents who post the grade cards. “I regularly share holiday and birthday pictures and other news; for me, social media is like an archive or a diary, so I just posted this as well,” says Nishad, adding that he did not receive any negative comments on this post. “But I agree that putting up kids’ marks is not a great trend.”
Kochi-based consultant psychiatrist Dr Somnath C P, who has worked with children, says that while you cannot ask people to not post marks, because it is an individual’s right to do so, it can be done with some sensitivity. “Some parents and kids are affected and feel disappointed and ashamed about their own low marks when they see these posts, while others are fine with it, depending on how brittle their ego is or how much value they give to marks. Some people are more concerned about the overall development of their child’s personality and it does not affect them badly,” says Dr Somnath, adding that it might be more appropriate for parents to show some restraint and just say they are happy with their child’s good marks, rather than post the marks itself.
Mediaperson Joemon S belongs to the restraint school of thought and desisted from posting his kids’ marks online after considering doing so at first. His daughter scored 95% for the Class 12 ISC exam, while his son scored 87 in his CBSE Class 10. “Some people want to share their happiness with everyone, but when you put happy news on social media, not everyone is pleased for you, so why trigger envy?” he asks. He says that neither he nor his wife made a comparison of the kids’ marks. “Both are talented children evolving in their own way. I shared the marks in our family group, where their cousin also scored in the high 90s, but everyone just congratulated the kids without comparing the marks. I think it was the mature thing to do,” he says.
Abila A L, who works in the finance department at the Secretariat in the capital, has little rancour that her kids are average or below average is studies. “Why should I feel bad? I was an average student; I can hardly expect my kids to score A+,” she says, adding she felt compelled to send her son, who is going to Class 10, for tuition only because others kept asking if she shouldn’t be doing so. “But he really likes the teacher and understands what he is learning. That is more important to me,” she says. Abila’s son wants to study geology, while her daughter, who loves to draw, wants to do designing, and she is fine by that.
She says her husband also does not stress too much about their results and only tells them that they should get enough marks to get into college on their own merit. “Rather than bringing up a doctor or an engineer, I am more concerned about bringing them up as good people who are kind and respect others, so that society benefits. If there are other parents who think like this, may our tribe prosper,” she concludes.