Part-time lover: Couples give marriage a miss

TNN / Sep 10, 2006, 01:41 IST

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The parents of Neelima and Sridhar ended in trouble not when they refused to accept the match but when they expected the much-in-love duo to tie the knot.

Part-time lover: Couples give marriage a miss

HYDERABAD: The parents of Neelima and Sridhar ended in trouble not when they refused to accept the match but when they expected the much-in-love duo to tie the knot. They were in love all right, but marriage was surely not on the cards.
For, these two software professionals marriage is overrated. They would rather live together, with no added legal binding.Increasingly, family counsellors in Hyderabad are getting clients whose parents can't figure out what is so wrong in two lovestruck people getting married.
Clinical psychologist K Niranjan Reddy says: "Some of them opt for a live-in arrangement because they want to rebel against the accepted norms of society, where marriage is a way of life. In other cases, the couple is looking for an uncomplicated way out of relationship when time comes to end it."
"It is not that live-in has become the norm of society. But today there are many instances of live-in couples and the trend is on the upswing,"says an analyst. Live-in relationships are more common in the BPO and MNC sectors, where many employees hail from outside the state and live alone in the city.

Like in the case of Prashant Reddy (name changed). A software engineer by profession, he fell in love with a colleague some years ago.
However the couple has ruled out marriage. Besides, by living together they can save money spent on two apartments.
"It is like killing two birds at one shot- you get companionship and a house at half the price,"said Prashant Reddy.
But it is not that simple, when parents get to know of this 'arrangement'. They insist on marriage. The couple is not ready for that, neither are they willing to give each other up and this is when family counsellors come into the picture.

In the experience of Padmini Rangarajan, executive member of the Hyderabad Psychological Association, who conducts workshops and counselling sessions on relationships, insecurity makes people want to stay away from commitment. "It goes without saying that in our society, marriage is a life-long commitment and many couples are not prepared for this.
They cannot let go of the love they have for one another and at the same time they are not willing to marry and be responsible for each other. The middle way is living together and have an open-ended relationship,"she said.
And so many live-in couples end up marrying each other, especially when they want to have kids. "We cannot bring a child into the world out of wedlock and we have to either chose not to have one or make it 'legal', so we will eventually have to get married,"said Saritha Prasad, who is in a live-in relationship right now.
Some parents do come around. Preeti Rajan works in a BPO and lives-in with her colleague. Her parents, settled in Bangalore, accepted this relationship as they feel that this way their daughter will be looked after both inside and outside office.

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