Those close to #MeToo victims have been kept in the dark. Fair or not?

Parents

, siblings and partners often feel let down when they are not trusted enough to hear out stories of sexual abuse and harassment of their dear one. But does a

victim

owe sharing his or her experience with anyone?

There is no denying that the recent

#MeToo

disclosures have been quite shocking and disturbing for everyone. While responses to these revelations of unpleasant personal experiences may vary from individual to individual, this revolution has helped shift focus to topics of discussions that delve a little deeper into the human psyche. Do we owe our personal stories of pain, shock or joy to anyone? Is it a must to reveal every bit of our life to our parents, or to someone with whom we share an emotional bond? Are we allowed to keep some facts about our lives to ourselves? And if we choose to not disclose, will it raise questions of distrust and disloyalty among our near and dear ones? Will it make the victim’s parents, siblings or partners feel cheated or let down because they were not the first ones to be confided in? Bangalore Times seeks to find answers to some of these questions…

Depends on one person’s comfort level with another

“Traditionally, a human being tends to share a personal experience with either his or her friends or parents. While not venting out about an unpleasant incident is never advisable, a frank discussion about an abusive experience with a parent seems to be an uphill struggle for many people. This result in a huge chunk of our lives remaining unknown to our parents. Factors such as the fear of a devastating reaction or being deeply ashamed of our choices in the past lead to a lot of people holding on to pain for a long time, causing anxiety and depression. Having said that, the choice to reveal all to your

partner

still remains negotiable, and largely depends on the person’s comfort level with the other,” says Radhika S, a city-based teacher.

Parents/partners feel cheated

“As parents, siblings, close relatives or friends, you would expect an individual who is close to you to share anything, especially if it has been negative or troublesome. Of course, it’s the individual’s personal choice to share a particular experience or not, but those around the person would feel let down if they could not be trusted enough to help or, at least, lend an ear,” says Snigdha Chandrashekhar, homemaker and mother of a 17-year-old girl.

Talk and seek help

Speaking about the necessity of a good support system and venting out on time, Dr H Chandrashekhar, Professor and HOD, Department of Psychiatry, Bangalore Medical College and Research Institute, says, “If it is a painful experience, it is important to vent out. Bottling up emotions could result in both mental and physical issues. But most victims remain in a vulnerable state, refusing to revisit the memory. It is sad that in India, the society is such that the victims or those who have been abused don’t want to come out and talk about it. So, a lot of cases go unreported. In fact, 90% of cases go unregistered because victims are not given the required emotional support. It is important to talk and seek help.”

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