Clinical psychologist Dona Singh: ‘Emotional betrayal feels more damaging, as it hits the foundation of trust’ - Exclusive

With the changing times, the definition of relationship, trust, and betrayal has changed. In the ever-evolving world, today, many argue that emotional fidelity is more important than physical. Clinical psychologist Dona Singh shared her insight on the matter during an exclusive conversation with us. She explained how there has been a shift in the traditional views of possession, and why emotional betrayal cuts deeper than physical infidelity.

“My take on it as a clinical psychologist is that we don’t really define or judge which form of cheating is ‘worse,’ instead, we help patients understand what betrayal means to them personally,” said Dr. Dona Singh before adding, “Every individual may have their own understanding of trust and betrayal.”

She said that when it comes to cheating, there are a few ground questions that come into play.

"We ask:

1. What is the boundary that was crossed for you that is bothering you?
2. How are you feeling about the whole thing?
3. Is it anger, hurt, shame, or guilt??
4. Are you reacting from pain, ego, or true emotional disconnection?”

“We help them see that cheating, emotional or physical, is not about the act itself but the rupture of their definition of trust and safety,” she continued.

Highlighting the change in society and its perception, she mentioned, “The concept of marriage and relationships is changing, and there is a major shift in the mindset. Modern relationships are moving from possession to connection. The need for emotional fidelity reflects a higher level of psychological evolution, where love is not just about “being mine” but about “being understood, seen, heard, and chosen emotionally.”

“Now, for relationships, emotional connection has become the core currency of love. People value emotional availability, communication, and mental compatibility, a similar vibe, far more than sexual exclusivity. Finding a partner for just physical intimacy has somewhat become easier than finding someone who is truly available emotionally. That’s why emotional betrayal feels more damaging; it hits the foundation of trust, attachment, and belonging,” she added.

Explaining her point further with an example, she said, “I remember a client of mine said that I am okay with my partner just fulfilling his physical needs. But I will be more hurt if he is attached emotionally. I have emotionally invested a lot of time on hime. He has seen all my vulnerabilities (dreams, fears, pain), he cannot hurt me after knowing all of this.”

“Emotional connection creates an intimacy deeper than just touch. Losing that feels like losing the relationship itself,” Dr. Dona shared.

“Many individuals tie self-worth to being someone’s 'safe space.” When that space is given to another, it feels like identity theft. There is definitely a shift toward emotional awareness, which is a sign of emotional maturity, but to be honest, the dismissal of physical loyalty, I feel, “not cheating” is often a defense mechanism/denial rather than genuinely not affecting them. So I don't invalidate it, but I wouldn't call it healthy to normalise physical cheating,” she concluded.