When Bigg Boss 16’s Nimrit Kaur Ahluwalia opened up about ‘endless days of not wanting to wake up and tears’; fighting depression and bouncing back

Choti Sardarni actress Nimrit Kaur Ahluwalia, who is currently seen in Bigg Boss 16, has had a long struggle with depression. The actress recently opened up about the same in the house. Last year, when her show was at the peak, Nimrit took a 40-day break after a breakdown. She spoke about the same and shared how she dealt with it and bounced back.

In the recent episode of Bigg Boss 16, Nimrit went to the confession room and spoke to Bigg Boss about feeling lonely and depressed for quite some days. As the Choti Sardarni actress spoke about her anxiety and depression, Bigg Boss asked Nimrit to speak in detail about her feelings to him. She shares, “Yes Bigg Boss since 3 - 4 days I have not been feeling well, I am a little claustrophobic in such a way that you know I don’t know if you have understood about my nature but I am not that person who keeps things inside me. I mean to say, at night, I am unable to sleep because my mind is very cluttered and I can feel that my brain is feeling a little exhausted. And it's not that I am not strong, Bigg Boss I hope this conversation is between us?”

In June 2021, Nimrit in a series of Instagram posts wrote about dealing with depression and how she felt back then. Narrating her experience, Nimrit wrote, “In the past few months I have come to understand how even if we may not acknowledge it, our hearts and minds can be fragile. Even when we may consider ourselves as strong, independent individuals, life can have it’s way of hitting us like a thunder bolt. I deeply understand that from where I stand, the life I lead seems picture perfect and privileged. It no doubt is. But what I do understand better now, is something I didn’t before. What we see on the outside may not be what one feels or carries in the inside.

“For the longest time I struggled to understand what the constant empty feeling inside me meant. My brain churned and went back and forth on the innumerable possibilities of why I felt the way I did. On certain days I had my answers, on some days it was just utter confusion”

“There were endless days of not wanting to wake up. Endless days of tears and raging mood swings. There were days of turning into a toddler, wanting to cling onto my mother even if she left my room for five minutes. There were days of not bathing, not brushing and just staring at the ceiling fan.”

Nimrit had written that she wanted to feel better despite the feeling of loneliness. She wrote, “Then came the days where I wanted to feel better. There were also days that were lonely despite all the love and warmth. Days that made me scared for no particular reason. And then there were days of reading and colouring. Some catching up with old friends and instances which made me go search for the old me. There was constant nudging to get myself groomed. There were days of scrabble, baking, and puzzles. Constant conversations and in and out of the hospital.”

“There were days that turned into sleepless nights. There were days of endless prayers. There were solo 5 am drives because even the house seemed claustrophobic. There were days of meeting new people and mountain climbing sessions. There were days of putting makeup on and buying new clothes. Then there were days of not fitting my clothes right and feeling unhealthy.”

“There were days of reminiscing old pictures and care packages. There were days of reaching parties but instead crashing at 11 pm. There were days of no control and helplessness. There were days of throwing away my phone. And then there were days of sleeping to my favourite shabads. There was too much felt. Too much unsaid. Attempts of accepting. Attempts of finding ways to fix myself all over again.”

“All along this beautiful yet strenuous process of understanding and accepting myself, I found hope. I found immense hope from my family, my psychiatrist, my friends, my colleagues and all of you well wishers out there. I understand now that we all go through certain experiences for a reason. I understand now that we all need to converse more, accept more and aid each other more. I understand now that mental health is so underrated and how important it is to talk, share and grow. And as I still depend on my medication, I feel a lot more better, a lot less anxious, and a lot more hopeful. So hang in there, for there is hope for all of us.”