Exclusive - Gauri Tonk from Kaamnaa on her birthday: Age is just a number, I am a kid at heart

Gouri and Yash Tonnk, who have been married for 19 years now, are parents to two beautiful daughters Pari, 17 and Myrah, 4. The couple had their second baby after 13 years of gap and Gouri spoke to ETimes TV exclusively about why she chose the age gap, the difficulties she faced after second child birth, weight loss issues and more. The actress shares what a new mother goes through and also has advice for all the new moms, who think they are alone in the journey. Read this piece:

You actually don’t get to feel motherhood. You are your own judge. Frankly, a mother criticizes herself so much and you don't need anybody else to criticize you. Having kids, you are not left with any time for anything else. Motherhood is a wonderful thing. It makes me feel extremely powerful from within. But I do feel like a super woman at times. When people ask how you do it, I just feel that I am born with it. I'm a woman. I'm born with it.

No, I don't feel anything like that. In fact, I feel that it's suiting me. Many people had told me that I will have problem because of the age gap of 13 years. I delivered my first child when I was 23 and second kid when I was 36. Some might feel the age gap. For me, at that time I thought I won't have to choose between my kids. When Myrah was born and she needed m, I didn't have to choose between Pari or Myrah. When I had to go to Myrah, I would give her time. And Pari would understand and she would never complain about why I am giving more attention to Myrah.

Myrah is a very demanding child. When Myrah was born, for two and a half years I was only looking after her. Those two years were very challenging for me. I didn’t understand what is happening to me. With Pari, my percentage of going haywire was much less than what I went through with my with Myrah. I wasn't able to understand what is happening. I wouldn't get sleep. I wouldn't feel hungry and even if I felt hungry, I wouldn't get time to eat because my child needed me at that time. At this time, I will mention that my mother and Pari both helped and supported me a lot. Pari would take take charge. When she sees me, I'm confused or stressed she'll come and will say that mommy ‘Go to sleep’ ‘First eat something’, ‘I'm taking care of Myrah’. The situation has suited me well and I have taken it positively. Would tell all the mothers who are thinking of having a baby after a big gap - Please go for it. I feel happy that I forced myself to have a second baby and it's working for me so well.

Celebrity moms getting trolled comes out in the open. People do comment on the pregnancy fat. I just feel you need to avoid the negativity. Don’t listen to people who say all this. All moms have to hear all this post giving birth to a child. I know many mothers get tensed and feel pressurized to lose weight soon after giving birth. Just calm down and let your kid grow. Don’t take stress and I am saying this because I also did feel stressed. During my first pregnancy I didn’t feel because I was quiet young and lost the pregnancy weight quite early. I started gymming early. The second time I was 37. As I told you, Myrah is a very demanding child. So, I had to calm down myself. First of all, you need prioritise health. If you are stressed to lose weight, you’ll only end up adding extra.

People started commenting when I gained weight with my second child. I wighed 103, more than me they were worried that I am not losing weight. But I was like ‘ok’ I will lose when I will lose and for a long time I didn’t lose the weight. While thankfully my fans have been supportive some would say that if I didn’t lose the fat it will stay. How will it stay? Once you start working out, you will lose the weight but I never got the time to work out. You are literally being a superwoman, because along with taking care of your child, you also need to understand that woman has to take care of the house. The responsibilities don’t vanish after a baby. You need ‘me time’ too.

Everybody says that a mother should eat on time but what if my baby is crying in that 10 mins, which I took out for myself to eat? I will go to my baby. Take help of your family. I have done that. First 2-3 months were very difficult. Then I sat down with my family and told them ‘I can’t do this alone. I need all your help. Either I’ll go mad or depressed’. I told them to distribute work. She is their granddaughter, sister, daughter as well. Let’s do this together. I feel it is very necessary to ask for help. I would tell my sister (who stays in same building) to come and help. Don’t feel shy. I have heard so many moms telling me that they would cry alone at nights. Why? Talk to your family, your husband… tell them what you are feeling. Wake up your husband, mother-in-law… be besharam. It doesn’t matter. After those two years you will thank yourself. All family members should be involved when a mother needs help after child birth. I told my mother, ‘if you want your daughter to be fine, please come and help’. Even if it is for half an hour in a day. They are family so just speak out.

Yash is a very lazy person. But at that time, I was surprised to see the change when I told them what I am going through. When you don’t say, two things happen – they either take you for granted thinking that she doesn’t need help or they think that you are managing. So, when I told them, they realised and Yash started helping me out. So I was happy at that time and then when Myrah started growing, I had my own techniques to handle them.

Pari is grown up now but Yash sometimes takes Myrah to the playground during noon time when there’s no one. Pari and I keep her engaged with painting, play dough, building blocks, play kitchen, etc. At times, I try to cook interesting food and hamara time pass ho jata hai.