Coping with a child's abnormal sexuality

bangalore: some parents crib like crabs about having to deal with "wild and wanton" children __ a son who is a cassanova to the exclusion of his studies and other activities; or a daughter who is "boy-crazy" and can think of nothing else __ and they (the parents) act like it is the end of the world. think of these parents: an elderly parsi couple, deep into their sunset years, who had to cope with their child going in for a sex-change operation.overnight, from having birthed two sons, the mother had now to tell people she had one son and one daughter. it had appeared to be a regular happy family. the two sons had been put in st.mary's, one of mumbai's best jesuit education institutions in byculla. the father worked in an insurance company, the mother was a plump, jolly housewife, and neither was the aware of the turmoil that haunted their youngest child. "i knew from my earliest conscious memory that i was a girl trapped in a male body," the boy confided in me. no one, he said, could understand the associated horrors of being in such a situation. "i was totally repulsed to be among the others who cracked unending boys-fill-be-boys jokes. and the worst part was when some of the older boys presuming i was gay, would make crude passes at me." to make matters worse, faroukh was not an average student; he topped in studies and was a brilliant musician, which meant that he was constantly in the limelight. but long after the strains of a chopin melody lulled his bewitched listeners senseless, he would sit through the night suffering the agonies of someone who did not fit in any place and who could talk to no one of his dilemma. talking to his parents was out of the question. and his elder brother already treated him with contempt because "like the others, he too thought i was gay; in fact, he was so ashamed of me that he even opted for a job abroad after which he made excuses not to come home even during holidays." for some years faroukh made a living giving piano recitals at the foreign embassies and writing critical reviews for the leading newspapers; and then there came that inevitable turnpoint in life when he decided he could take it no more. he would make a stake to break free out of the nature-imposed prison, he would die; but he would not continue the way he was. step no.1 was to research whether there were others stewing in the same limbo. there were, he discovered, though mostly abroad; many of them had undergone sex-change operations, and some had even married and lived happily with spouses who knew and accepted where they'd come from. step no.2 was to find out whether there was any doctor in india who would help him. he found there was; a doctor in pune whom very few knew about. faroukh made discreet enquiries, got the doctor's number and it wasn't long before he was on a train to pune. the doctor did not immediately oblige. faroukh was put through counseling for nearly a year; a series of hormonal tests were conducted alongside and only after the doctor was convinced that this was a genuine case where nature had made a mistake, did he agree to perform the operation in three stages. it was at that stage that faroukh realised he had to tell his parents because he was going to come home a different person. they were shell-shocked, this was truly something beyond their comprehension. the father went through stages of rage, god-why-us? and shame. he wondered where he'd gone wrong. faroukh's mother however, had only one feeling _compassion. whatever her son was or imagined he was, he was her child and she was going to stand by him __ she conveyed her decision to the family. and when a week later, faroukh left for pune, his mother was with him. it was she who sat praying desperately outside the operation theatre that the good lord should spare her child from death. "and he could have died," she whispered to me later. "it is a very, very risky operation and a person can bleed to death." her child survived. faroukh was the one who went into the operation theatre. but it was farah who was wheeled out, many touch-and-go hours later, weak and drained with exhaustion, but with a happy smile on her face. a month later, farah made her first public appearance at an american embassy party in mumbai. bombay society accepted the change in it's typical way __ with some good-natured ribaldry, but eventually, with the live-and-let-live attitude that city is famous for. and since talent knows no gender, farah continued to be invited for recitals all over the country, and invitations were addressed to farah who was glad she had made her bid for happiness. "i couldn't have done it without my parents support," she said frankly. "isn't it amazing how parents are the only ones who accept you as you are, no matter the cost or the consequences?" not really amazing, i would say. that's how nature planned it should be.