7 questions to ask before getting married, therapist reveals

Maybe your partner just popped the question. Or maybe you are about to get married. Perhaps the wedding plans are underway as you read. Before you say ‘I do,’ you have to ask yourself and your partner these crucial questions. Melissa Divaris Thompson, a couples and relationship therapist, has shared some important conversations that are worth having if you want your relationship to thrive long-term.One of the most damaging things couples do without much thought is using the words ‘breakup’ and ‘divorce’ as a threat. These words are no joke. And using them as you please is going to wreck your relationship. “Words shape safety, and safety shapes connection. When couples throw out threats, it rattles the foundation every single time. You can't take those words back,” she said in a video shared on Instagram. Before marriage, both partners should agree: those words are off the table as tools of pressure or manipulation. Being equal partners is so important in a relationship. But that doesn’t mean a rigid 50-50. “Relationships are living, breathing things. Some weeks you're caring more, some weeks your partner's caring more. The healthiest couples understand that love is fluid and generosity is a practice. I love the idea that great relationships often feel like 60-40 with both people trying to get to 60,” the therapist explains.Now this is one hell of a question you should be asking yourself and your partner. Washing dirty linen in public is a disaster. Can we not do that? Can you and your partner promise each other that your dignity is never be compromised in public? Instead, praise publicly. “We work through hard stuff privately, not because you're hiding, because respect is the oxygen of long-term partnership,” she reminded.Independence is crucial in a romantic relationship. Yes, you love your partner, but that does not take away the fact that you are also a separate individual. “This is a big one. Your own hobbies, your own friendships, your own inner world. Two people relying on each other 100% for their emotional fuel will burn out fast. Two whole grounded people who share their joy, that's gold,” the therapist explained.In every romantic relationship, after the first few years, the sparks seem to die down. Why? They stop seeking new experiences together. So, this is one crucial question you should ask your partner. “We choose experiences together. Curiosity keeps the relationship alive. New restaurants, new cities, new rituals, new dreams. A relationship that explores together stays flexible and connected,” the relationship coach revealed.If you are about to be in a long-term relationship, know that both you and your partner are going to have other kinds of relationships outside. Friendships especially. It is important to keep transparency in such cases. “Platonic friendships are normal and healthy, but transparency and consideration are non-negotiable. It's not about control. It's about protecting the relationship you choose.Those three magical words are not taxable in a relationship. You can utter those often. It is so important. “Say I love you often. Say it all the time, not on special occasions, not just at bedtime. Say it often. The couples who stay connected don't save affection for later,” the therapist revealed.Now, before you enter the relationship, know that if its is always going to be ‘us’ against the world. “It's never you versus them. It's both of you versus the problem. I teach this to my couples all the time. This is the mindset that changes communication instantly. Teams solve things. Opponents fight,” the therapist added. Don’t think twice, start asking these questions! Right away.