5 effective tips to build better boundaries

Most of us have been in situations where we ended up nodding ‘Yes’, even when we didn’t want to. Though this could avoid conflict at the moment, and make the other person happy, it can send you down the resentment trap. This is exactly why you need boundaries. They are, in fact, the best foundation for meaningful relationships. But where do you start? Here are some tips that may really work for you

Be clear about why and what the boundary is

Before you can communicate a boundary to anyone else, you need to understand it yourself. That’s the first step. Ask yourself. What’s not okay? You have to be able to identify the boundaries and understand why they are in place. For instance, you don’t appreciate work calls or emails outside work hours. Why? Because that’s how you maintain your work-life balance. Knowing the ‘why’ will help you to move forward.

Communicate your boundaries and keep it simple

It’s pretty much self-explanatory. If someone is overstepping, tell them your boundaries. Be clear, and keep it simple. Most of us tend to over-explain or even apologize for the boundaries. But you don’t have to! You don’t have to justify. Case in point, if you are asked about why you didn’t respond to a work call, outside work hours, tell them, “I’m not available after work hours.” That’s it. That is a perfectly complete sentence.

Learn to say 'No'

People pleasing has never done anyone good. So, stop doing that. You don’t have to do things that you don’t want to. When a relative cracks a body-shaming joke, instead of silently enduring it, tell them you don’t appreciate them commenting on your body. ‘No’ is not the hardest word in the English language. It’s simple. Say no. If you find it difficult, practice. Fake it till you make it. You don’t have to say a reluctant yes.

Avoid overcommitting

Another giant red flag in any relationship is overcommitment. It is often a boundary problem in disguise. You don’t have to say yes to things when your plate is full, or you don’t want to. Before committing to anything, pause and ask yourself, “Do I genuinely have the time, energy, and desire for this?” If no, simply convey that. Also, it is okay to take your time and respond.

Expect violations

Expect pushbacks. Yes, you read it right. When you first start setting boundaries, people are going to test them. Because they are used to your old ways. So there are going to be pushbacks, even guilt trips. There will be occasions when you sulk. But understand this is normal. You have to be firm about your boundaries. Let the invisible line stay. Respect it, and ask others to respect it. Practice makes things perfect. So, stick to that.

Remember, it is going to take some time before it works perfectly. But once the boundaries are firmly established, you will feel lighter, happier, and more at peace. And in the process, know that you are protecting yourselves and your relationships with these boundaries, not building a wall.