11 funny reasons why India shouldn't worry about Modi's Suit

"Modi to auction a controversial suit!" screamed a foreign newspaper. It further continued "that bears his name…" I wasn't sure if wearing the suit was controversial or if the suit actually was controversial because it contained Modi's name as per the article.
Now coming to the funny part. This is needed especially with all the heated debate about Modi's suit and the folks who think it was overblown.There is logic and then there is Intuitionistic logic and then there is propositional, predicate, modal, temporal, moral... (Boring isn't it?). OK, let's jump the gun. There is fuzzy logic which is all fuzzy, but we aren't going to use that today. We are going to use dizzy logic (Don't bother to Google it, you won't find it!) to discern 11 reasons as to why India shouldn't be bothered about Modi's suit.
1. The Congress party which is the mother of all parties is also taking a mother load of the worrying about Modi's suit. The primary reason according to our sources (who also go by dizzy logic) is that Modi's suit is the only entity in India that doesn't have a Gandhi in the name, anywhere on it. The rest of the airports, Khel Ratna's (never understood what sports had to do with politicians), schemes, stadiums have all been taken already.
2. Pakistan is worried because they think Modi looks so dashing in the suit that America, Britain, China and the other top guns of the world might root for India to be a permanent member of the United Nations Security Council having been impressed by Modi's grand suit.
3. Chetan Bhagat who wanted to be Modi's Valentine by gifting him 17 commandments on Valentine's Day is worried and feels like a jilted lover. Modi did not heed to his advice on being cool, which he is willing to share very generously and feels wearing the suit wasn't cool. In fact given the magnitude of Chetan Bhagat's worrying alone, the "Billion point someone" Indians like us should deter from worrying. The last we heard from our sources (needless to say, who go by dizzy logic) he is starting to think Kejriwal's muffler is cool, especially since the Delhi elections have ended. I wonder what he is going to think would be cool about AAP, when Kejriwal doesn't need his muffler during the summer.
4. Russia is worried, because having made all the defence purchase from elsewhere but not from Russia, India did not even get Modi's suit from Russia.
5. A certain Ms. Dutt, who has a knack for figuring out if anything is against the idea of India is worried because her scales that weigh "truth vs. hype" aren't tilting.
6. Members of a Sena in Bangalore who claim they are the army of Lord Ram and who believe Stone Age was the "golden" period of human progression are worried that the embroidery on the suit worn by Modi was too flashy like a disco light.
7. The lion (Singh) of the Congress who can sniff any controversy against secularism in a second, and who has especially specialized in the ones which he believes involves the RSS, is worried about his vision. In it he saw that the suit was covertly gifted by RSS to Modi and the number of times Modi's name was spelled being a code, and it was precisely the number of times the RSS was going to endanger secularism.
8. A certain behenji from the hinterland of UP is worried as she did not get any such presents during her grand birthday parties that were grand enough even for the kings.
9. Down south the two leaders from the erstwhile state which recently saw a not so cordial split are worried that if indeed Ganga is cleaned with the proceeds coming from auctioning the suit, they might need to fight it out with each other for its waters (if they ever promise to bring it all the way).
10. Even further South the grand old scion of Dravidian politics is worried if indeed some part of Modi's name on the suit was written in Hindi.
11. And finally in the great land of Shivaji a certain Mr. Politician who claims to be the sole proprietor of "Maratha Manoos" is worried that the suit was secretly made by migrants from Gujarat in Mumbai, who also paid tolls while on their way.
So that's that and seeing all the worrying I guess the rest of us Indian's should stop worrying about Modi's suit because the worrying part is already covered. Come on, who are we kidding? On a more serious note given the scale of problems at our hand our discourse unfortunately is not steered towards female infanticide which could be stopped by Beti Bachao if implemented correctly. No one is worried about how we are going to "Make in India", or the efficacy of the Direct Cash transfer for subsidies to the poor.
What about the politicians who wear cheap clothes in front of the cameras and go to unknown foreign sojourns uncaught by the prying eyes of the media? How many siblings or families of politicians who still live in humble middle class settings can be counted? Does the common man who is looking for his next day's means of survival care about what the Prime Minister of India wears or what he does?
(The article above is purely satirical and is not purported to be offensive in any way to any characters bearing resemblance.)