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This story is from May 30, 2007
Wedding worries
What's the big deal, why are the men crying sore, and - most importantly - are wedding jitters for real? Get your answers here...
Doubling over with the threat of nausea as D-Day approaches? Take a deep breath, get an air-sickness bag, and listen. You are in elite company, it is known to happen to the best of men, and you, too, will get over it.
The fears...
"Pre-wedding jitters take a toll on men more than women. Panic sets in because you fear you are losing your freedom, and – to make matters worse – taking on a whole load of responsibilities," says Pradeep Kumar, deputy manager, recruitments. And the "tale of woes" doesn't end there. Men freak out when they start "imagining" what they might have to give up. "Just because I'm engaged doesn't mean I have to stop meeting my buddies for a game of cricket every weekend or get a drink on my way back from work. I want to retain my circle of acquaintances," says Harry Anthony, a BPO employee. Men equate being a bachelor with freedom – doing what they want to do on their own terms. "Saying goodbye to the reckless nomadic life can be a bit too much," says Pradeep. And then, of course, there is the classic, is she the last woman I will ever sleep with? The wild oats are going to have to get domesticated, buddy.
In family we trust...
Well, the jitters can be bad. You will have your buddies ribbing you, and you will find that stress levels in your system are shooting up. "But things aren't all that bad if you get help," says Aditya Chamaria, a chartered accountant, adding, "Open up to someone you can trust." Are arranged marriages more stressful? "On the contrary, love marriages are. In an arranged marriage you are mentally prepared for the compromises and adjustments," he says.
And so...
Psychologist Pramila Saxena says, "It stems from a fear of the unknown. Knowing a person beforehand can serve as panacea. Do fun, silly things together; and try to take each other's mind off the wedding." Buoyancy is paramount for a successful marriage, and this will be good practice.
Wedding is the time when your mind becomes a potpourri of mixed feelings. "But even then I don't agree that men feel a last minute urge to make an impulsive dash for the exit. The jitters don't necessarily mean you're having second thoughts about the person you're marrying," adds Pradeep.
However, when you feel jittery, ponder and reflect on what's going on inside you that's causing you to stress out. Pre-wedding jitters are normal. A little groundwork beforehand can do wonders.
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