​Are you a people pleaser without knowing it? 7 ways to set boundaries and stop being one​

Are you someone who constantly puts the needs of others above your own? Do you have trouble saying no? You might be a people pleaser. People pleasers struggle to set boundaries and prioritise other people’s needs and feelings over their own. Being a people pleaser comes with a fear of conflict and rejection, low self-esteem and a need for perfectionism. If this sounds like you, here are 8 pieces of advice you’d wish you had known earlier:

People pleasers tend to go above and beyond to seek the approval of others. They mould themselves based on the expectations of other people and lose their own identity in the process. You should know that it is impossible to be liked by everyone. When you stop trying to gain external validation, you draw a boundary by valuing your own opinions and needs.

People pleasers invest their time and money in something that other people consider important or suitable. Rather than seeking validation from others, you must remember that you are in charge of making the right choices for your own life. Think of what matters to you and direct your attention towards it rather than what people think.

The truth is that you are responsible for the way other people treat you. People pleasers tend to avoid confrontation because they fear conflict and rejection from others. If you don’t speak up when your feelings and opinions are being ignored by other people, they will continue to do so. Setting boundaries will help you stand up for yourself when people try to take advantage of you.

You will be setting yourself up for failure if you place others' needs before yours. Other people will no longer respect your time when you always say you will be available to them. Setting boundaries ensures that you put your needs first and are not taken for granted.

You will set yourself up for failure if you put other people's needs ahead of your own. People will no longer value your time if you constantly agree to be available to them. Establishing boundaries guarantees that you prioritise your needs and are not overlooked.

The best means of setting boundaries is by expressing your expectations and needs. People-pleasers do not find it easy to speak for themselves because they do not want to offend others. This makes them ignore comments and actions that offend them. Rather than ignoring a person who oversteps your boundaries, politely let them know the next time.

Some people will not respect your boundaries even if you stand up for yourself. Even though it is difficult to lose some relationships, it can be the solution. Establishing boundaries also implies that you should know when to leave a situation which no longer works for you.