Be your child’s parent, not a friend

On Children’s Day, parenting experts tell that being a friend to your teen just makes life harder for both.
Every parent wants their children to share everything with them, their lives, their friends, their secrets, everything. “They don’t just want to be friends, they want the world to know as well, which is why we see many children and parents are friends on social networking sites,” says Aisha M, a city-based child psychologist.
According to Maria Kuriakose, a parenting expert, “There are times when parents just want to be liked by their teens. We’re people and we love our children, so we want to be loved back.” But what parents need to understand is that nowhere in the definition of ‘parent’ is the word ‘friend’ or for that matter, the word ‘easy’. Maria stresses, “Being a friend to your teen just makes life harder for both.”
There are many pitfalls while parenting, but the ‘being a friend’ pitfall is the hardest to avoid. And where do you draw the line? As a parent, you have a responsibility to perform your parental role for your teen. It is your responsibility to help them learn life skills, keep them safe and secure and to guide them into the most successful adulthood they are capable of having. “Children and teens are not able to raise themselves on their own, they need responsible adults to assist them. So, when a parent says that they want to be their teen’s friend — while they may think they are giving their teen something — what they are saying is that they don’t want the responsibility of parenting their teen. They are in fact taking away the love, security and dependability a parent gives to their teenagers by abdicating the job,” says Maria.
When it comes to discipline, being a friend to your teen can mean that you allow your teen to not be held accountable for their actions. You allow them to get away with doing things that may harm them, like underage drinking, or you don’t give them enough age-appropriate responsibilities so that they are less independent than their peers.
According to Aisha, “Parents need to step up to the plate and teach their children right from wrong. You can’t expect them to learn that from their friends who don’t have parental support. If you don’t provide a family environment for them, someone else will and it might not be good, but it will be all they know, and they’ll take to it like a duck to water.” Children need a role model while growing up and when they don’t see their parents as a role model, they will go to someone else. That person might become a negative role model, but since you gave up your responsibilities as a parent, he is all that your child has left.
Being a friend is fine, but first and foremost, be a parent. Your children will have lots of friends over their lifetime, but only one set of parents to guide and nurture them. Nobody else can take your place and if you fail at this, all the friends in the world won’t help.