Try relationship therapy!

Having trouble understanding your partner? Try relationship therapy, suggests Norbert Rego
From partners and spouses to family and friends, relationships are an essential part of our lives. However, relationships often call for handling complex emotions. That’s when expert counselling can help.
Celebrity relationships come and go, but Courteney Cox believes one Hollywood marriage will last a lifetime — her own.She and her husband David Arquette, make it through the tough times by talking to therapists. Also, a therapist is helping Madonna to improve her relationships with men. America's Next Top Model winner Adrianne Curry and her hubby Christopher Knight are so committed to making their relationship work that they have opted to seek professional help. Shirley Jones and Marty Ingles, separated after 23 years of marriage, have now gotten back, thanks to their therapist.
“It took me a long time to accept that a neutral emotional arbiter can help my relationship,” says Harshad Saxena. His wife Prerana adds, “I was disappointed at first as we moved away from each other in the initial phase of therapy. But as it moved forward, I was surprised that issues which appeared big looked insignificant. I discovered that my childhood rejection played a big part.”
Relationship therapy offers a confidential environment where individuals and couples can explore their relationship concerns with a professional therapist. By helping you to identify the roots of your difficulties, it brings clarity and facilitates positive change. Dr Rajiv Anand, psychiatrist and marriage counsellor, opines, “Every relationship is an ongoing project which needs maintenance and support. Ironically, most people, particularly husbands, once married and having eaten the proverbial apple, take this aspect for granted. They refuse to believe that despite the intensity of an intimate relationship, there are many areas which need to be addressed on a regular basis.”
Dr Harish Shetty, psychiatrist, Dr L H Hiranandani Hospital, Mumbai, maintains, “Relationship therapy gives couples a ray of hope that they will be understood. Communication can begin afresh. Conflicts arising between the couple may be complicated with a lot of ‘backseat driving’ by relatives and friends, which get filtered or aligned in therapy.”
Namita Jain, lifestyle management consultant, says, “A partner agreeing to therapy is proof that she or he cares and would like to make the relationship work.” Dr Shetty adds, “At times, it may be like rafting on a rough river. The couple needs to believe in the philosophy of ‘lage raho’ during the period of discomfort.”
There can be triggers that can create pressure on a marriage. For instance, having a baby, that calls for major adjustments. Deepa and Narshim Shenoy knew each other for five years before marriage. “For the first four years, we delayed having a baby fearing our intimacy would suffer. Once we had our baby, counselling helped us come even closer.” Mahesh Panjabi recalls falling apart with his wife Neha during her pregnancy, “Counselling helped me realise that this was a phase most couples went through and I learnt to manage.”
Many couples either ignore or suppress many issues, till the physical separation around the time of birth of the first child brings them to the surface. Explains Dr Anand, “There are many physical and emotional changes in a woman during pregnancy and the baby’s birth. A woman tries to share this with her husband, expecting some tender, loving care. The man, however, out of sheer ignorance fails to respond to such emotions. He feels ill-equipped to handle it, thus failing to provide vital nourishment to the relationship.”
If a couple goes through therapy with a qualified medical professional, it can help them navigate troubled times and take their relationship to a higher level of intimacy.
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