Things I wish I knew before arguing with my sister-in-law
Most movies and shows portray difficult sister-in-laws and this also changes the way we perceive that relationship when we women get married and have a younger or an elder sister-in-law to deal with. I was myself on cloud nine when I met my sister-in-law before I married the love of my life. She was nice, fun, intellectual and a foodie like me. But post-marriage she was a whole new person. I won’t say she was what our filmmakers show, but I could relate. We once got into a terrible argument and the entire atmosphere in the house changed. Now that I have been sharing the same space with her for 5 years, I can gladly help you with a guide wherein I truly wish I had known the do’s and don’ts of arguing with a sister-in-law.
She is the daughter of the house, just like you are
When we go to our parents’ home we become this kid all over again. From throwing our shoes in different corners of the house and getting pampered to getting meals as per our demand, we do it all, right? If your sister-in-law is in the same house where you got married, why expect a different scenario? Yes a tinge of jealousy is obvious because we are away from our parents but brewing hatred for a daughter of the house is unforgivable! You too are a daughter, so why should your sister-in-law act any different just because you got married and came into the house? Accepting this mere fact, understanding that she is in your back-then position, makes it easier by three folds.
Your husband may get annoyed
He may be your soulmate, your Ranjha, the love of your life but he is also her brother! Elder or younger, it does not matter. Would you like it if someone starts yelling at your own sibling? The best solution in this scenario would be that you remain calm, express your concern and if that does not work, talk it out with your husband who could probably help you deal with her in another way. Don’t ask him to intervene, just ask for guidance. Also, never talk ill about her in front of your spouse, he will not like it.
She can throw tantrums
If she is a pampered kid, chances are that she will be dramatic about the whole situation. She may even stomp her way into her room, yell back, throw things and cry. The key here is not to feel humiliated as most of us feel at that time. It took me several fights to realise what wrong route I am taking. If you do not bother, act like she is still that sweet girl you met before marriage, she will automatically mend her ways. It will take time, mine took a year and then she turned into this understanding and mature woman.
She is more insecure than you are
Just like you, her world has also changed after you came into the house where she was the only darling! Her love is being shared. Her brother pampers you first and then she comes into the picture. Her parents now consider you too. Everything is being split! No one likes that especially when it is an overnight transition. The anger she is inducing in her argument with you is about this change in scenario too. Understanding this concept is very important because most brides just tend to see their issues and not the issues of those she is dealing with. Also, never forget the fact that this is her home too!
She can turn the table on you
This is the least expected but it was my first fight experience that taught me this and don’t worry, there is a great solution. When we started arguing over something, it snowballed into something that I still shudder at the thought of. It was something I was just not ready for. My sister-in-law is 5 years younger to me and so you get her maturity level difference. Amid the fight, she knew when my parents-in-law would enter the house after the walk and before I could gather my thoughts, she turned the tables and started acting like a victim. She howled, cried her eyeballs as if I had hit her.
The reality was that I just asked her to not open my wardrobe. She lied and changed the circumstances in her narration. I cried too because I was hurt. It was the ugliest fight ever in my life and thankfully the last. To avoid this the next time, before I could begin with my issue, I acted so calm and controlled that it scared her. The moment you act like you care how her reaction is going to be, she will channel that fear. She could not even yell back because I was not responding the way she expected me to respond. Just do not give what he/she seeks and half the battle is won right there.
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