The 'other man'!

We���ve heard nasty stories about ���The Other Woman��� who is always the villain. She���s the one who gets the wife���s cruel brunt and abuses.
So, why doesn���t anyone talk about the ���The Other Man��� in a similar tone? Is the husband more willing to forgive the wife���s emotional or physical liaisons? Right now, this is the debate that has been triggered on television in the serial, Jaane Kya Baat Hui.
Says actor, Abhinav Shukla, who plays Shantanu (the other man), ���Men get away with everything. But if a wife has an affair, she gets the blame. When husband has an affair ���The Other Woman��� gets the bad name. Men always had an upper hand in these affairs, they get away so easily and women are blamed all the time even if they���re right. A man having an affair is acceptable, women are called characterless. Why?���
So, why is ���The Other Man��� a lesser villain? Author Manju Kapur says, ���Unfortunately, even today men and women are not seen as equals. If a man is having an affair, as long he doesn���t brings her home, its fine with the family. But if a woman gets involved with another man, then she gets criticised.���
The man can have multiple sex partners and still get away. You���ll hear people justify saying, men are made like that so there is nothing wrong! Actor Tusshar Kapoor says, ���When a husband has an affair, his actions are justified because he is supposed to be like that only and can���t be expected to resist temptation. On the other hand, a wife will be labelled as being cheap.���
Just as a guy who jumps the red light and never gets caught, similarly the other man gets away easily in relationships. Prasoon Joshi, adman says, ���Morality issues are attached with women. And men are considered animals. They have created a convenient way of living that���s free of responsibility.���
Hence, ���The Other Man��� is free from all abusive tags. TV actor Harsh Chhaya says, ���If one pays attention you���ll find there���s more than one word to malign a woman - whore, slut and what not. There is no such word for ���The Other Man��� in any society. I���m sure soon there���ll be some harsh words for men too because there���s no reason why they should get away.���
If a man has an affair, people call it a mistake. But if a woman is having an affair, it is coined as a sin.
TV actor Sanjeet Bedi, who plays Shailendra (the husband) in Jaane Kya Baat Hui says, ���If a guy brings his girlfriend home, parents are cool with it. Infact, they show off in public by saying my son is very popular with girls. But if a girl comes home with her boyfriend, then parents put curfew on her. But the other guy is a dude. For guys, can have their cake and eat it too.���
In crimes of passion, both ���The Other Man��� and ���The Other Woman��� are equally guilty. So, why does the woman only get criticised? Dr Seema Hingorani, psychologist says, ���Women get the blame every time. Even the hint of infidelity, will make the man walk out of marriage. But if a man is having an affair, family will ask the wife to forget and forgive him. Very often the girl���s parents also don���t support their daughter.���
A man gets dirty and plays naughty when he has the power of money with him. Writer Anil Dharker says, ���While a working woman can���t survive on her salary alone. That���s why a man thinks he���s more powerful. As a father of a daughter, I suggest that you give your daughter a house so that she���s not dependent on anyone.���
We���re witnessing double standards in relationships. Actor Nandana Sen says, ���It���s true that the choices a woman makes ��� professionally or personally are always viewed and debated on grounds of integrity, while a man would never face the same social critique in an identical situation.���
What���s the psyche of the husband in this situation? ���In serial, my character Shailendra has an extra marital affair. But he can���t see his wife having an affair. She���s his property. A husband can have affairs, but a wife has no right to do so, that���s what most men think,��� adds Sanjeet.
What should a husband do? Dr Sandeep Vohra, consultant psychiatrist, Apollo says, ���Be it India or America, no self respecting husband would want his wife to go away with the other man. But a lot depends upon the equation and relationship of the couple. I had a case, in which husband brought his wife who was having an affair for therapy. He was cool about the whole affair and wanted both of them to move on.���