The art of speaking up and embracing silence

The Coronavirus pandemic has not only forced us to stay safe indoors but to also pause and reflect upon our lives. Be it exploring new interests and hobbies, or getting back to old ones, or just understanding ourselves better-- this is the perfect time to expand our world views. Facilitating this, Write India winner Sutapa Basu recently launched 'Bistro Buzz'-- a virtual talk show wherein guests discuss about culture, arts, books, poetry, entertainment or just random reflections, thus giving viewers food for thought.The launch of 'Bistro Buzz' saw an engaging discussion between Vinita Dawra Nangia, Executive Editor- TOI, and Sutapa Basu on 'The Qurious Qase of Quietude', a topic that is much relevant in our times today.
Elaborating on the importance of speaking up or staying silent at the right time and how both of them are perceived differently across the world, Vinita said during the conversation, "We all communicate in different manners. Communities and people over the years have evolved a certain style of communication of talking to each other and understanding each other which is possibly different from other society or community and it's the same with people... If we come back to silence, well, it is different how it is looked at in the Western world and how it is looked at in Asia. In India, we are brought up to use silence as a tool of respect which is also similar in Japan. But if you look at the West, it is completely different. They look at silence as a mark of disrespect!"
Considering that most people have strong opinions these days, Sutapa then pointed out that one of the dangers of being on social media is being trolled when people don't agree with you. Asking Vinita for her opinion on what should one do in such situations, should they speak up or stay silent, the former replied that one should speak up if they strongly feel about something. Vinita said, "Being silent when you strongly feel for something is like abdicating the responsibility. It shows you as an irresponsible person. So, I would say that social media which is full of trolls is not the only place to speak up. I believe each one of us should do our bit. I really respect people and celebrities who continue to speak up despite being viciously trolled. When you feel strongly about something, then I don't think being silent is an answer. You can protest silently, or through other means but not expressing yourself is not a solution."
She further said that often a problem arises not because of expressing oneself, but by going over board in what is being said. "Quite often the problem is not about what you say, but how much you say. For instance, saying far too much when a single sentence would have been enough-- it is the hyperbole which creates the problem, which creates issues by saying too much of something and I have learnt that the hard way," shared Vinita. She further added that we can save ourselves by being to the point and not taking the conversation over board.
Taking the discussion ahead, Sutapa pointed out that nothing strengthens authority so much as silence. "Do you believe being silent gives us inner strength," she asked, to which Vinita replied, "Even Mahatma Gandhi believed in it-- once a week he would stay silent and communicate only through notes! But I would say silence means complete silence as even writing notes is a way of communicating... I know it is very difficult to go into that kind of silence but if you were to challenge yourself and just be absolutely quiet for a few minutes you'll realise that after sometime the voices and chaos around has stopped. Not because the noise has stopped but because you have stopped listening to it... From the outside you have gone inside and focusing on what really matters."
Shifting the discussion from embracing silence to being verbally responsible, Vinita further elaborated "When you say that people should not say too much and remain silent, we are not talking about an unintelligent silence. There is a high level of emotional intelligence when it comes to staying silent. It could convey a lot of love for another person, or anger, or utter contempt or deep interest in what they are saying. When there is a stern silence, there's something in the air that shifts and you realise that something has changed." Adding to this Sutapa shared that tone and one's body language are also very important while talking to others. "When people talk or are silent, we need to constantly observe intuitively; either take the opportunity to speak or back out of the situation," Sutapa noted.
Summing up the candid discussion, Sutapa aptly wrapped up the talk by saying, "Quietitude is actually inside you. Don't seek it outside; look for it inside and you'll find it. Just search for it and seek it intently and with sincerely and it is all there. It is waiting for being discovered by you."