Signing a sexual contract

At a time when sexual incompatibility is fast becoming one of the main reasons for marriages falling apart, does it make sense to have a sexual contract before couples tie the knot?
It’s a question that psychologist Seema Hingoranny had to address recently. She says, “I was counselling a live-in couple trying to resolve a deadlock so that they could make the switch from cohabitation to marriage.The couple had penned down their sexual rules on a piece of paper, but were not sure if they would be able to adhere to them. Sceptical about whether this could take a toll on their impending marriage, the couple decided to hold off till they’d resolved the matter.” While in this case, both partners were open to the idea of having a sexual contract, not everyone shares that comfort level. Also, while this couple went on to list their sexual preferences on a document, they did not want to bind themselves to a legal contract.
The new pre-nup? Riya Singh, a call centre executive, says, “The concept of a sexual contract is pretty narrow and does not cover all aspects of a marriage like division of property, spousal support in the event of a divorce or breakup, and conditions about guardianship of kids (if the couple decides to have any in the future). It cannot replace the pre-nup because of this limitation. Also, marriage cannot be conducted like a business. How many couples would want to go public with their sexual demands stipulated in a contract? You can have sexual rules instead that both are willing to agree to.”
Rules for sex or a contract? Hingoranny says, “A sexual contract will make the marriage mechanical and business like, killing empathy and sensitivity, which is required in any good relationship. I always tell my clients, ‘Go with the flow... no rules, only love’.” Clinical psychologist and psychotherapist Varkha Chulani, adds, “Signing a sexual contract can’t guarantee sexual relations. Sex, is a result of the overall relationship. It is best to have a contract that will specify that the partners will work hard towards the relationship and seek professional help if necessary to iron out their problems. Sex will automatically become a byproduct of that rather than as a stand alone in the relationship.”
Why the need for such a contract? According to Chulani, sexual compatibility often becomes an incompatibility when relations begin to sour. Over time, when the equation between spouses begins to deteriorate, sex takes a beating. She says, “If you have sexual incompatibility at the start of the relationship, it is best to sort it before you tie the knot. Regularity of sex may also be a result of other factors the couple needs to comprehend and correct to have good relations. Signing contracts is hardly a way of determining frequency, let alone quality to good sexual connections.”