Playing hard to get can actually pay off

Whateveris easily available is not considered valuable but when something is scarce, itassumes preciousness. This is the law of economics. However, when applied tohuman relationships, it throws up varied results. Many people like to think thatif they play hard to get with someone they like, they have higher chances ofattracting them. But does it really work?
Why people play hard to get
Being scarce helps weave an aura of mystery around the person anduplifts their ego because of the attention they get.Psychologist Deepti Makhijadelves deeper into why playing hard to get may sometimes be an act to hideone’s incapacity to relate with others. “People who have developed apattern of being unattainable, may have had severed attachment bonds with theirparents,” she says. “If the mother is the source of both safety andalarm, a child becomes confused over whether it should love the mother or avoidher. This leads to the development of an insecure attachment pattern where theinfant avoids the mother, for instance, after she returns from work. Thispattern is hard to decipher because the same response is generated by the childwhen confronted with a stranger. These patterns are carried forward to adulthoodand may result in failed relationships.”
Clinical psychologistand psychotherapist Varkha Chulani explains, “This is the result of pooradvice given to girls and boys in beauty magazines and Hindi films. Goodrelating is not about manipulating someone. It’s about being honest andstraightforward. But I don’t think playing hard to get benefits thatperson in the long run. It is only a false cover-up.”
When it works
As atactic, playing hard to get can work effectively in a situation when you want totest if the other person is interested. “Even for the test to happen, youmust share some bond,” says Makhija. Once you get to know somebody, youmay withdraw to see how the other person responds to your lack of attention tohim or her. “After you have measured the other person’s level ofinterest, you must snap out of the tactic as soon as possible and establish awarm connection for the good of the relationship,” she adds.
TV host and anchor Ranvijay Singh believes that the tactic can work well forgirls in some cases. “Men like to chase the woman they like. If the chaseis not challenging and the girl is available easily, then it may not really beworth it because it doesn’t give the guy a sense of achievement,” hesays. “Inversely, guys must not act pricey with girls. They should feellucky to have any attention from girls. If they have it, they just have to bethemselves to carry it forward.”
When it doesn’t work
A fine line exists between a sense of mystery and frustration. Playhard to get long enough and no one will want to get you. “If you are theone who is genuinely interested in somebody, acting pricey may not work foryou,” says actor Shweta Salve. “You might end up pissing off theother person.”
It is essential to distinguish between‘playing hard to get’ and playing ‘not interested’. Forinstance, it happens often with guys that they keep calling girls to ask her outand each time they are turned down with a new excuse. The girl is either busywith chores or too tired after a hard day’s work. Some guys are fooledinto believing that the girl wants him to pursue her harder, ignoring the factthat she may not be interested at all.
Best foot forward
There are far better ways to attract a person – the way youtalk and the way you think –than just pretending to be hard to get,believes model Aanchal Kumar. “When you are considering a seriousrelationship, it’s best to be straightforward,” she says. “Iwould not indulge in playing mind games. I think it’s very childish totease other people to feel important. If someone is doing this, they must havestrong reasons to act the way they do.”
Read the signs
If they're interested, they'll tease you and drop hints andnot disappear entirely.
Is the object of your affection approachableand friendly? You have hope. If someone is not interested in you they will makeno effort to get to know you.
A person who is just 'playing' maycancel a date but will reschedule it. If someone is just not into you, you'llnever be sure of seeing them again.