Love capsule: I told my family I am gay during our Diwali gettogether

I have secretly been a closet gay for a long time now. I haven’t had the courage to come out in front of everyone. Nobody knows this secret except my best friend and the man I love. I was 19 when I first realised I am gay. I never had a crush on actresses that my friends found hot. The female body did not excite me and I only checked out hot actors. I think that is when I began to realise that I am different from everyone else around me.


Growing up in a conservative family never gave me the chance to accept myself wholeheartedly. My family is old-school and traditional; they would never understand the concept of love or being with ‘the one’ even if it doesn’t match the traditional norms of society. I admit–my family has never seen or been around people who are homosexuals. Knowing their son is one, would probably give them a heart attack! And so, it was a well kept secret in my heart.


It was only when I turned 24 that this situation started to irk me. All these years, I perfectly tried to keep this part of me hidden but seeing other people enjoy their new-found freedom urged me to come out. It wasn’t easy. I couldn’t dare to think of it. But at the same time, suffocating myself like this seemed too difficult day by day. I also wanted to experience the happiness of being with someone I truly love.


It was a month before Diwali. My mother suddenly surprised me by sending photos of women for rishtas. I knew this day would come and I was dreading it. The idea of spending my entire life living with someone I am not attracted to scared me endlessly. I didn’t want to live the rest of my life as a lie but telling my parents the truth also seemed like a possibility that might never come.


My partner urged me to face my truth or spend the rest of my life living a lie. Unable to bear the thought of the latter, I took the huge decision of telling my parents the truth. With the world progressing and a number of LGBTQ+ communities coming together, I had the assurance that I wouldn’t end up alone.


When I came home back on Diwali, at first, my mother bombarded me with pictures of potential suitors. I smiled loosely but the tension on my back tightened. I had no idea how this was going to go and how my parents would react. I didn’t even have the assurance that I would have a ‘home’ after this. That evening, I sat down with both of my parents and I came out. Amidst the chaos of Diwali parties happening everywhere, our home fell into an eerie silence.

My mother had tears in her eyes and my father refused to look at me. My father stopped talking to me after that day. My mother, however, tried to pursue me to change my mind even though this wasn’t something I could change. A huge burden was lifted off my chest and I could finally think straight. The relationship between my parents and me became strained. We hardly talked even though it was only my mother who called me sometimes and asked me about my whereabouts.

I am 27 now and I have a steady relationship with an amazing boyfriend. I attend pride marches and parties and I flaunt myself without any hesitation. Coming out to my family seemed like an impossible task but I finally did it. Diwali seemed like a lucky time for me because I had imagined the worst but that didn’t happen. And I am grateful for that. I am secretly hoping that they will come around some time.