His story/Her story: I am losing my individuality in this marriage

Her story: My husband does not let me make individual decisions. He expects me to consult him for everything and in the end, only his wish is fulfilled. I would have been fine with it if it was vice versa but he does not value my opinion. I feel unheard, humiliated, and suffocated. I am a working person, a very senior associate in my job. People respect me there but the moment I step into this house, I become a nobody. Just a mother to my 10-year-old son. My in-laws stay elsewhere but when they come, they too see this and keep quiet. Thankfully they do not join in but not saying anything is also supporting, isn’t it? I want my respect and I need a way to make that happen because I see a dead end now. Should I walk out? I tried discussing this with him but he dismissed me as always.

His story: My wife is a smart woman and I married her because of those qualities but whenever she comes up with an opinion, she says impractical things. She never has a solution but always a problem. I have lost my patience with her and I question her about what she does at work. I agree it is wrong but I am done with her in so many ways. She fights that I do not consider her anymore and it is after years of stupidity that it has come down to this. I don’t know how to handle this situation anymore.

Response by Vishal Bhardwaj, Founder, and Relationship Coach at Predictions for Success

For her: Every woman expects her husband to respect her opinion. As you mentioned that your husband doesn’t allow you to make decisions and doesn’t value your opinion and imposes his decisions on you. I can understand that you must be feeling disrespected and suffocated as you are a working woman and you get a lot of respect in office. There are some or other issues in each marriage and these have to be handled wisely. Firstly, initiate a conversation with your husband, but choose the right time and place. Use respectful language and express your feelings without blame. Highlight your desire for mutual respect and understanding in the relationship. Also, set firm boundaries inside the marriage. Distinguish between decisions that require consent and those that can be taken independently. This can lead to a more equitable relationship balance. Family is also important in resolving marriage problems.

Consider getting counselling or support from trusted family members who can serve as mediators. Pay more attention to increasing your self confidence. Continue to prioritise your work and personal development. Your professional achievement and freedom are key assets. It can enhance your self-esteem and confidence, which can have a favourable impact on your personal life. If nothing works in this situation, you can consider couples counseling or therapy to work through the issues together. A professional therapist can help facilitate communication and uncover underlying problems.

As the head of the family, every husband desires the well-being of his family and seeks better decision making. You have mentioned that your wife is a smart lady but she is very impractical when comes to decision making. You are concerned about her and family and you prefer making decisions yourself. But this has created a situation of tension in your marriage. Communication is a powerful tool to resolve issues in any marriage. Listen carefully to your wife's problems without interrupting or disregarding her feelings. Try to understand her point of view and be empathetic. Your wife needs your love and respect. Consider your wife's ideas and opinions. Even if you disagree with her, encourage her to express herself. Make her feel heard and valued. Apart from this, consider your own behaviour and how you might better support and appreciate your wife. Address any irritation or criticism in your behavior and try to rectify it.

Work toward a more balanced approach to decision-making within the relationship. Some decisions may require joint agreement, while others can be made independently. Give her the freedom to take decisions that belong totally to her or that doesn’t cause any loss or harm. This will help her to feel more independent and loved. Express your love to her. also , express your appreciation for your wife's intelligence, accomplishments, and qualities that attracted you to her. Show your pride in her professional success. Alternatively, seek couples counseling to address the issues together. A trained therapist can help you both improve communication, resolve conflicts, and better understand each other.

Recognise that relationship changes may take time. Continue to try to connect and find common ground. Walking away should be regarded as a last resort after all other choices have been exhausted.

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