Goodness gracious me

Politeness is the best tool to get through awkward social situations and makes it easier for us to maintain relationships.
But a recent study suggests that this behaviour can have disastrous consequences. The study, conducted by a foreign university, suggests people resort to ‘politeness strategies’ when they have to share information that might offend or embarrass somebody. They may also choose to be polite when they have to let someone know that they've made a mistake or a wrong choice.
The more sensitive the issue, the more likely we are to be extremely polite, the study said. However, politeness can become problematic when it causes us to sacrifice clarity. Existing research suggests that politeness strategies can lead to confusion about the meaning of statements that under normal circumstances would be clear. And this confusion is likely to occur in situations when the stakes are high, the very situations in which we are most likely to use politeness strategies. Even worse, it takes more of our cognitive resources to process these kinds of polite statements.
Therefore, we must think harder when we consider the possibility that people are being polite, and this harder thinking leaves us in a greater state of uncertainty about what is really meant. This confusion and uncertainty can have particularly negative consequences when safety and security are on the line. As in the case of pilots, who are flying a plane in an emergency or for a doctor trying to help a patient decide on a treatment.
Politeness can have serious consequences within corporate culture — people don't want to embarrass their bosses or their coworkers, so they hesitate to point out when something looks amiss, even when potential fraud or misconduct might be involved.
Karan Makhija, Media professional
I believe it is essential to be polite in every situation. Politeness goes a long way and has the power to turn improbable situations into favourable ones. If one is forced to be polite or diplomatic in a difficult circumstance and ends up losing out, that isn't politeness at all. At worst it is merely cowardice in the guise of politeness, at best it is lack of tact or articulation.
One can be perfectly polite while delivering undesirable messages, provided one is clear about one's position, is within one's right (by designation or position in the relationship, especially at work), and if one truly has a positive intention for the good of all those involved in the circumstance. In my limited experience, if you do not have an ulterior motive in the undesirable message you have to deliver, people will really appreciate your forthright attitude as long as it is accompanied by the utmost politeness.
Pallavi Datta, Lifestyle writer
Well, in any given situation, politeness is always appreciated. But these days I find that this quality seems to being disappearing from our lives. Rarely though, some person when treated politely, gets suspicious, or thrown off balance and jump to the conclusion that there is an ulterior motive.
However, I agree that most of the time polite people can give the illusion of being non-assertive and non-confrontationists. A person is polite not 'because of' but 'in spite of'.
Sumesh Sharma, Independent art curator
Totally agree with the study. I find those who show unnecessary courtesy hypocritical. It seems they are giving ‘tactical approval’ to others by refusing to disagree with them; it’s all superficial. I’m wary of those who turn politeness into an art; it’s used in auctions, bureaucracy, by super-star artists and curators and it goes unchecked. I feel such politeness is unnecessary, and such individual is lacking in confidence and/or unsure of his/herviews. It surely hinders success.
(As told to Reema Gehi)