Emotional fidelity vs physical infidelity

Is it possible to be emotionally faithful to your partner when you are physically unfaithful? Yes, say a growing number of urban women who are now redefining ‘fidelity’.
Case Study I:
Nina Mehta, 27, banker
Nina is in love with her boyfriend of six years. But for the last one year, she has been intimate with her ‘close friend’, Akash. She justifies, “I miss the excitement of a new romance in my sixyear-old relationship.”
Case Study II:
Preeti Dhingra, 32, journalist
Married for three years, she plays the role of a working housewife to perfection.But beyond office routine, Preeti has close encounters with her colleague of a few months, Navin. “Navin purely satiates my physical needs because my husband doesn’t have the time. But, that in no way, changes the fact that I love my husband,” she claims.
Trend spotting...
If these situations worry you, rest assured, none of these women are in unwanted alliances. As Nina puts it, “No relationship is perfect. The emotional stability that my boyfriend offers cannot be overlooked just because there is no excitement.” With no promises to keep, Nina and Akash are happy with their ‘no-holds’ liaison. Increasing accessibility options like mobile phones and internet also spur such clandestine bonds. “Over the last decade, this trend has been on the rise. Today, one out of every five women is involved in such relationships”, opines Dr. Sharita Shah, consultant psychiatrist, Hiranandani Hospital. Elucidating this phenomenon, Dr. Bharat Shah, consulting psychiatrist, Lilavati Hospital, says, “Urban life is changing and women are more empowered now. They are not ready to compromise and are open to experimentation.”
Changing connotations...
So is ‘infidelity’ taking on different meanings? Dr. Laura Vaz, clinical psychologist, agrees, “Infidelity now has new connotations. People are questioning the seriousness of the word itself.” As Rekha Varma, 25, PR consultant, admits, “You can be attracted outside a relationship. But you should know where to stop.” On a different note, Shirley
Jacob, lawyer, in a dual kinship, shares, “Sometimes, you enter such situations circumstantially.” With women becoming more aggressive, the differentiation between the genders has blurred. Dr. Vaz points out, “Women are slowly doing what men have done before. They are learning to compartmentalise their emotions from physical desires. Also, the conflicts in this situation, faced by a woman aren’t any different from that of a man.”
A fine line...
Is it possible to be only physically intimate with someone while you are emotionally attached to your partner? Preeti affirms that she maintains a clear demarcation between her parallel lives and she is ‘emotionally faithful’ to her husband. The situation is not about one night stands or casual sex. It could span over a period till the convenience wears off. Dr.Vaz adds, “A woman may rationalise this behaviour by affirming that in the end, she returns to her long-term partner, which is all that matters.”
On ‘her’ terms...
So where does one draw the line? “Once you breakaway from conventions, it becomes a habit hard to break,” says Dr. Sharita Shah. Admits Shirley, “Yes, it is difficult not to slip into another relationship.” So do such liaisons have long-term futures? “For a woman, the context of sex involves emotions. So she has to consider long-term repercussions and can’t escape the decision-making ordeal,” concludes Dr. Bharat Shah.
(Some names have been changed on request )
Why does it happen?
Not being able to spend enough time with current partner Lack of sexual gratification and monotony in the current relationship Overwhelming insecurity that stems from an unstable childhood or disruptive family life.
Conflicts faced...
Constant fear of being exposed Strong sense of guilt, as she cares about her long-term partner The stress affects concentration and productivity levels Can lead to self-destruction and addictive habits.