Dear daddy, I don’t want you to do these 6 things for my marriage

For a girl born and raised in an Indian middle-class family, it’s not surprising to watch her parents prepare for her wedding even before she could fully understand the meaning of marriage. And I am no different. I saw my parents prepare for my elder sister’s marriage like their life depended on it. And on the day of the wedding, they were on their toes attending to guests, making sure everyone were happy and fulfilling all the duties of being the bride's parents. And I know they would repeat the same when it’s my time. I wish I could change things, especially, how my parents perceive their daughters’ wedding. So, daddy, if you are reading this, I would like you to do certain things a little differently.

A lot of Indian parents start saving for their daughter’s wedding right after she is born. Some will even do so at the cost of their comfort—they would rather not spend the money on a much-needed holiday or buy a new household appliance because they had set some target to save a certain seven-figure amount in twenty years. Please stop doing that. Instead, use the money to do something different and if you really want to spend it on your daughters, then help them in pursuing higher education and becoming self-dependent.

Dear father, I know you only want the best for me. So, I can understand your eagerness to find a ‘suitable’ match for me. But your definition of ‘suitable’ might vary from mine. While you might look for a man who is financially secure, have a good family background and all the qualities approved by society. I, on the other hand, might want someone in my life who would support me in pursuing my career or be my pillar of strength when I am emotionally weak. We all have different expectations from our life partner and I have mine too.

In most Indian societies, if a girl is in her thirties and not yet married, she is considered an ‘old maid’. The unspoken norm or expectation of getting married at the right age mounts pressure on the parents as well as the girl. I know, being a father is difficult and you have to abide by certain social conditions but I would request you to let me find my own reasons to get married and not rush into it because I am running out of time!

We all know asking for dowry is an illegal act and is a punishable offense. Unfortunately, where there is law there will be loopholes, right? A lot of people from well-educated families would very politely express their views against dowry but at the same time, they would also never say no to ‘gifts’ like a car or expensive household appliances for the newly-weds. I have seen a lot of my friends’ parents doing the same and they end up spending their hard-earned money on ‘gifts’ for the grooms. But I would never want my father to do the same. The greatest gift that my father has given me is the gift of education and that’s enough for me and it should be enough for my husband’s family.

These days a big fat Indian wedding is what everyone is opting for. From destination wedding to an invitation to remember, designer lehenga to a multi-cuisine menu, weddings have become a status symbol. People, especially parents, are leaving no stone unturned to organize a larger than life wedding for their children. Daddy, I want you to promise me that you would not do that. I don’t want a big fat Indian wedding. I would be happy to celebrate the important moment of my life with my friends and family without making it a big show-off.

I have seen people treating their married daughter like guests. And there are traditions according to which a woman's parents would avoid eating food at her house after marriage. Dear Daddy, I am your daughter and will remain so forever. My marital status should not change the relationship I have with my family.

(All images used here are representational)