Boys! It's time to shed some tears

It's high time the world noticed that the prejudice against men and tears is leading to severe medical and psychological problems
Recently, a hotel in Tokyo started offering special `crying rooms' complete with luxury tissues, eye masks, tear-jerking films et al for guests, who want to `cry heartily' in the comfort of a private room. The good part of this news, which may seem bizarre to many of us, is that finally even in a traditional culture like Japan where gender roles are very de fined, people are acknowledging the importance of tears on men.The sad part is that men still have to shed tears in private. The motto still is `boys don't cry', but some men are breaking the mould. Perceptions built over time through prejudice take time to change; but a change is coming.
In the age of the 24x7 media, we see our sport icons shed tears of joy and sadness. Athletes apart, images of famous men, when they break down in tears, have stood the test of time. Like US President Barack Obama crying after his re-election in the second term. Russian President Vladimir Putin shed ding a tear at an election rally. For mer German Chancellor Helmut Kohl had written in his diary: “When I was a boy, I was told that men shouldn't show emotion. I find that a stupid idea. Why should there not be situations where a man has a right to cry? When something touches me, I don't see why I should hide it.“ You know things are changing for the better when the Germans -known for their stoicism -openly talk about the need to cry. Nita Sharma, a student of anthropology, says, “This prejudice against men crying is surprising be cause nature intended us to enter this world bawling our eyes out. Somehow, nurture keeps asking men to control their tears and not show their pain."
Actor Ranbir Kapoor explained this pent-up feeling among men per fectly in a recent interview. He talked about how reading Albert Camus' The Outsider gave him a unique per spective on his own inability to cry in real life. The novel's protagonist, Meursault, is an aloof, apathetic character; so much so that he does not cry at his own mother's funeral and commits a murder soon after.Ranbir said, “I identify with him. I think I am him. I don't cry. I cannot remember the last time I did.“
Kuljeet Singh, theatre actor and director, says, “In theatre, it's very natural for a man to break down to show his emotions. Theatre allows you freedom of expression.“ But not every man has that privilege. Most either confront their fears and sad ness within four walls or act out with violence.
Actor Aamir Khan has been campaigning to make crying socially acceptable for men, for a while. “A boy grows up feeling he's not supposed to cry. When you tell a child not to cry, you are removing him very far away from his emotions... and then you are surprised when he becomes violent,“ he was quoted in an interview.
Ad Vingerhoets, professor of clinical psychology, who wrote the book, Why Only Humans Weep: Unravel ling the Mysteries of Tears, says, “Since classic times, heroes not only showed bravery, but also cried a lot (for example, in Homer and in many other mythological legends including Mahabharata), which did not damage their image. The same more or less holds true nowadays for athletes. We are increasingly exposed to male athletes, who let their tears flow, either after a victory or after a defeat. This seems to have a positive effect on their image, it makes them more human.“
Says Bengaluru-based men's right activist, Kumar Jahagirdar, “We hardly saw our grandfathers, fathers shed tears. I've seen so many men suffer in silence be cause they are told `men don't cry'. We need to soften masculinity. I'm glad that younger men are at ease with displaying emotions these days.“
Says Dr Anuja Aggarwal, professor of sociology, “Culturally, Indian men did cry during colonial time. Even mythology, openly shows men having a feminine emotional side to them. However, machoism, as de fined by the industrial age, almost demanded men to behave like ma chines. Emotionally, that has led to mental pressure on men resulting in severe psychological consequences." However, in today's age, gender roles aren't as strictly defined.Women are shedding their feminine traits to break the glass ceiling and men are slowly dropping their inhibitions to show their emotional side.
A new age dad, actor and author Chandru Bhojwani doesn't mind a good weeping session. “My tearful moments of late have been in relation to my kids. I was overwhelmed when my child was born. I remember, when my son hurt his elbow badly, I was a distraught dad ­ downright frantic and bawling. At no point did I think I was less of a man, in fact, I considered myself as a better father."
Vingerhoets believes it's not as if men never cry, but they are more comfortable showing their tears only to their loved ones. Crying in public is still taboo. “The general picture is that men who cry are emotionally unstable, weak, incompetent, etc."
Research suggests that crying is always accompanied by a lot of activity in our parasympathetic nervous system; its main job is to calm the body after a stressful event, thereby causing a drop in heart rate.
If you care about your heart's health, it's time to shed some tears.
RUI-KATSU, JAPANESE FOR A CRYING SESSION
Japan holds communal crying sessions (rui-katsus) as they believe crying clears the mind and reduces stress. People throughout the country have also taken to sharing online lists of songs and video clips that are sure to get the tears flowing.Ikemeso Danshi, a Japanese magazine photographs attractive men sobbing, to make crying more acceptable in society.
A FEMALE GAZE
Photographer, visual artist and Hollywood director Sam Taylor Johnson, who recently directed Fifty Shades of Grey, is also known for her photography book Crying Men, where she has photographed top macho Hollywood actors -Daniel Craig, Ed Harris, Sean Penn, Benicio del Toro, Willem Dafoe, Dustin Hoffman, Gabriel Byrne among others, crying. Johnson said she was “examining vulnerable masculinity, classically framed but seen through the female gaze".
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