This story is from March 2, 2009

Are men being stereotyped?

RAKSHITA PANDEY / Mar 2, 2009, 00:00 IST

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What's the real image of the contemporary, metrosexual man? We asked men from all age groups about what they think makes them 'manly' and here's what they had to say...

If you think men are immature, insensitive and sex-obsessed, think again. Surprising as it may sound to the fairer sex �� men do cry, aren't scared of commitment, love spending time at home and even love to cook!
So, what's the real image of the contemporary, metrosexual man? Is he driven by a sense of values, sense of loyalty and family ties? We asked men from all age groups about what they think makes them 'manly' and here's what they had to say...
�� Not just playboys, they're committed too
For all women who think men love to hop from one girlfriend to another and get into a relationship only for sex, here's a reality check. The greater majority of men crave for true love and believe they have a soul mate. Yes! Not all men are obsessed with sex and hate to cheat on their partners. In fact, the majority of men have admitted to shedding copious tears for a woman they have truly loved. And if you believe this makes them less 'manly', it's time to change your perspective. They also consider that being a good husband and a caring father makes them a true gentleman.

"I really wonder why men are considered to be indifferent and insensitive. Men are much more sensitive than women. It's just because of a few men who have been involved in violence against women that 'all men' have begun to be considered as sex fanatics. Most of the men I know are not petrified of commitment and they think it's becoming of a true man to take up responsibilities and fulfill them," says Amit Chauhan (name changed on request)

, a 27-year-old media professional.
Dr Samir Parikh, a psychiatrist says, "Society is largely responsible for creating such stereotypes. I think it's irrational to categorise all men as tech savvy, not committed or insensitive. Such views are based on individual experiences and upbringing and the events that take place in the society. Every individual is different from the other and creating such stereotypes itself is bad."
�� Not just action movies, romantic flicks too
So, you thought men love only action, thriller and suspense flicks? Well...while most of them may say yes they do, but some have also admitted that they love watching touching, romantic movies or even family dramas with their partner. What's more? Some of them even admit to shedding tears while watching a touchy scene. So, the next time you touch that remote thinking that romantic flicks and 'saas bahu sagas' turn him off, explore his hidden sensitive side.
Gaurav Jindal, a 32-year-old business analyst from Mumbai says, "I used to love watching action and thriller movies when I was in my 20s, but I think men's choices keeps changing as they mature. I still like watching suspense films, but if I am watching a movie with my wife, I would rather prefer a romantic one. I think it's also important to consider your partner's choice. In fact, I've also learnt some cooking recently after watching a cookery show on television."
�� Not necessarily insensitive, they cry too
While most women would disagree with this �� it's true. Most men are astonished at being stereotyped as insensitive and callous. They believe they are as sensitive as women and even get emotionally attached in relationships.
Kshitiz Anand, a photographer from Bloomington, Indiana, says, "Men cry. At least I would admit that I am sensitive; there are many things or situations which deeply move me. The state of our society for example and the feeling of being helpless at times make me cry. I may not necessarily cry for a woman, but I don't think shedding tears in anyway makes men less manly. After all, they are also human!"
Dr Arvinder Singh, a psychotherapist and counselor explains, "Stereotypes have always existed in society - whether it is about men or any particular community. They may be true to some extent as such opinions are formed as a result of observing people with these tendencies. But it's important to take care not to generalise men in a way that our beliefs lead to biases."
Also Read:
Men will always be men
Men's top sex secrets
Men overspend to attract mates
The women that men fantasise about
Dirty old men lust after young girls!
Discover your man's pleasure zones
Do you mock your mate?
Intelligent men get the best sex
From boys to men
Sexy females give men the body-blues
Men prefer brunettes to blondes!
Men better at sighting infidelities
�� Not just skin show, they love elegance too
If you are trying to woo your man with a short and sexy dress, may be it's time to try something different. Most modern men have confessed to looking out for someone who can be a potential wife. And when they look for the qualities that they would want in their wives the first thing that comes to their mind is a presentable girl who doesn't unneccasarily indulge in skin show.
Mayank Choubey, 37, a marketing professional in Delhi says, "The idea of men being sex-obsessed or a Casanova is just a delusion. Each individual is different from the other and it's incorrect to categorise all men as being dominated by such tendencies. I have been married for ten years and I find women clad in saris more enticing than in any revealing outfit. It makes them look so graceful."
�� Not just work and parties, they love family too
If you have assumed that all men are workaholics and think of nothing except assignments and deadlines, here's the true lowdown. A majority of men say they would cancel their plans to attend an official party or a not-so-important meeting to spend time with their wife and kids. What's more? They also believe they are more understanding than women and love to help in daily household chores.
Abhishek Mishra, a 28-year-old software professional working in Indonesia says, "I agree that men are being stereotyped as being obsessed with work, but that is certainly not true. In fact, I crave to spend time with my family and try my best to cancel not-so-important appointments to spend time chatting with my family or go on a vacation. The feeling of being together makes me so content and complete. Also, I don't think helping my partner in the kitchen or helping in household tasks makes me feel inferior."
�� Not just tech savvy, they love cooking too!
While some men are addicted to their laptop and Black berries, not all men are tech savvy and crazy about gadgets, gizmos and bikes. Men make great cooks too. In fact, most of them admit to love cooking with a passion. So, debunking myths and shunning misconceptions, men have also emerged winners in the kitchen - hitherto considered as a women's forte.
"I love to cook. It helps me unwind after a hectic day at work. Some music and singing adds more joy to it. I love to experiment with cooking. I can make North Indian dishes, bake cakes and also make sweets. I disagree with the fact that men can't cook well. After all, some of the best chefs in the world are men, aren't they?" adds Kshitiz.
"Exceptions always exist and stereotypes subsist only because some people exhibit such habits or tendencies. A lot of it depends on the way we are brought up. So if we are creating stereotypes, we are ourselves responsible for it," asserts Arvinder.
Also Read:
Men will always be men
Men's top sex secrets
Men overspend to attract mates
The women that men fantasise about
Dirty old men lust after young girls!
Discover your man's pleasure zones
Do you mock your mate?
Intelligent men get the best sex
From boys to men
Sexy females give men the body-blues
Men prefer brunettes to blondes!
Men better at sighting infidelities
�� Not just sports, they love shopping too!
While men's obsession with sports �� be it cricket, football or tennis may be true for a majority of them, many seem to be equally obsessed with shopping. In fact, some of them do it even more often than women and would love to save money to buy their favourite brands, especially when it comes to clothes, shoes and sunglasses.
Kunal, 21, a college student from Delhi adds, "I simply love shopping. I can spend hours in a mall checking out different stores and would prefer to spend my pocket money on buying my favourite pair of jeans or sports shoes, rather than spending it on gadgets. It's not that I don't like sports, but given a choice I would want to go shopping or watching a movie with my girlfriend instead of watching a football match."
�� Not just 'I'll be late' SMSes, they love saying 'I love you' too
Got an SMS from your hubby saying, 'I'll be late for dinner' or 'I am busy, call you later'? If yes, stop assuming that he is deliberately trying to avoid you or he's too busy to spend time with you. Occasionally, try sending a message replying, 'I love you' or 'I miss you' and wait for him to react before turning judgmental. Unlike what you may assume, men are as expressive as women and love to be pampered. All that you need to do is make him feel loved.
Malvika, 33, a homemaker says, "I am really lucky to have a very expressive husband. Most of my friends crib about their husbands coming home late from work and cancelling family plans for business meetings. However, my husband calls me at least twice a day no matter how busy he is. He never forgets my birthday or our anniversary and goes out of his way to make me feel special."
�� Not just hot babes, they love kids too
Here's another surprise for women who believe that all men want to know about is the whereabouts of the hottest babe in their office or neighbourhood. There is a common belief that women are sensitive, while 'real' men are driven by sex. However, most men admit to being a caring father who loves to spend time with his kids. So, whether it is helping kids with their home work, changing nappies, playing cricket or video games �� most men love doing it all!
Ashok Prasad, 52, a retired bank officer says, "I believe men are family-oriented. Once they are married, they realise their responsibilities and even go out of their way to take care of their wife and kids �� whether it is education or meeting their demands, they have no apprehensions about taking on responsibilities. I love my kids and grandchildren and nothing gives me more pleasure than being with them and guiding them. I feel like a kid myself when I am with them."
�� Not just adventure holidays, but beaches too
Think of going on a holiday with your man and you fear of being taken to an action-packed vacation. Well then, here's some good news for you. Not all men like to go on a wild life safari or bungee jumping, many of them would also love to go to a secluded beach to spend a romantic evening or even visit a historically rich place.
"I would choose to go on an adventure holiday if I am alone or accompanied by my male friends. However, if I am going on a holiday with my partner I would rather pick a romantic destination �� may be a beach or a hill station. Even something like staying in a tree house or a rain forest would be a great idea," adds Abhishek.
rakshita.pandey@indiatimes.co.in
Also Read:
Men will always be men
Men's top sex secrets
Men overspend to attract mates
The women that men fantasise about
Dirty old men lust after young girls!
Discover your man's pleasure zones
Do you mock your mate?
Intelligent men get the best sex
From boys to men
Sexy females give men the body-blues
Men prefer brunettes to blondes!
Men better at sighting infidelities

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