‘Curving’, the toxic dating trend to watch out for!

Whoever said dating was a tricky game in today’s social media times, wasn’t kidding at all! There’s so much slang that defines the way people behave and it’s not always pleasant. Like instant communication, hookups and the breakups are just as instant. You have orbiting, gaslighting, breadcrumbing and ghosting — all of which are about leaving someone in a lurch or disappearing on them as quickly (and brutally, as you can imagine). And now, there’s another new term to join the others. It defines a similar, heartless behaviour and it’s called ‘curving’! Like its predecessors, this trend is just as cold and mean. Read on, chances are, it may have happened to you...
COLD AND DISCOMFORTING When 24-year-old Riya Shah (named changed) from Andheri got into a textationship with a guy she had met in the same building she worked in, she thought it was the start of something nice. They went for coffee and got along well. However, there was something she found weird. “We got along and enjoyed each other’s company, but when I used to text him, he appeared like a different person. He used to only reply in a word or two. Soon, he started to reply in 24 hours, saying, ‘Oh sorry, I didn’t see your text message’. I got my act together and simply stopped contacting him. And guess what, he didn’t even ask why,” she says. Riya had been curved. This cold attitude that crops up and suddenly makes you feel ignored, is what curving is about. It’s known to make people feel frustrated, crazy and even depressed.
Unlike in ghosting where someone suddenly completely disappears, here the person does send a message just to engage you with a line here or there. If it happens once or twice, don’t fret. But if this becomes habitual, sit up and smell the coffee — you’re being curved (read: taken for a ride). Experts warn how you need to take heed, so that you don’t find yourself heading for a major disappointment…


HAVE YOU BEEN 'CURVED'? HERE'S WHAT TO DO

A curver will respond to text messages, but just in a line or even after a day, to give the impression that he or she is not very keen to talk to you.

A curver will respond to text messages, but just in a line or even after a day, to give the impression that he or she is not very keen to talk to you. Says psychologist Dr Seema Hingorrany, “This is a trend that commonly happens in relationships, today. Lots of people have anxiety issues over it. Curving is about not getting a reply after two or three days or ignoring the ‘other’. It makes the individual at the receiving end to question his or her own self-confidence. Such persons start to blame themselves and the mind goes into overdrive. They may even talk to the other person till they feel satisfied. This is discomforting and it could ultimately lead to depression.” She adds that this behaviour is a strong indicator of curver’s mindset. “It shows a lack of empathy; someone with no unconditional positive regard does this.” What would be a way out if you are curved? “Well, for one, always have a heart-to-heart with someone about how you feel ignored and if that doesn’t happen, get out of the relationship as it is bound to cause long term effects to mental health,”
she warns.
Psychiatrist and counsellor Pavan Sonar advises on a quiet exit in such a situation. “Curving can happen for many reasons. It could be that the curver does not want to lose the attention that he or she is getting. It can also be that either that the person has no guts to say what he feels, no inclination to do so or worries about how the other person will react to rejection. Whatever the reason, remember you are getting the message that you are not the person’s priority. When you see this, it’s time to understand and move off. Don’t question things or get aggressive. Just get the message and save yourself from all the negativity.”
OTHER DATING TRENDS TO BEWARE OF

• Fauxbae’ingThis is about pretending to have a partner on social media when you are actually single. Used to make someone jealous or show a side of you that is unreal.
• SubmariningOnce someone disappears on you or ‘ghosts’ and you have finally healed yourself, the person then resurfaces like again like a submarine.
• Love Bombing No, there’s nothing explosive here, but it can blow up your calm, all the same. Love bombing involves showering someone with attention and love only to gain a control over them. Love bombers are usually manipulators and are often prone to angry outbursts at not getting a sense of control.

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