Will she ever be loyal to me?

Question: I am a 26-year old guy. I met a girl four years back, we fell in love with each other and got physically intimate. One month into the relationship she told me that she has been in a long distance relationship with another guy and she has promised to marry him. She told me that she loves me but cannot refuse to marry the other guy. I didn't want to lose her so continued with our relation (even though we tried to break up several times but somehow couldn't).We maintained our relation (including physical relationship) for three years. In the meantime, she visited that other guy also a number of times during these three years and had a physical relationship with him too. About an year back she told me that the other guy has refused to marry her and she wants to marry me now. I had started my post grad at that time so I told her to wait till I finish. Now, my post grad is coming to an end and I have to make this decision about marrying her or not? She has ended her relationship with that guy and not had any relationships in the last one year. Please help!
- Anonymous
Answer by Vinita Dawra Nangia: You seem to be totally helpless where this girl is concerned! You accepted being second best in her life so easily, and she took full advantage of the situation -- by having her cake and eating it too. On the other hand, what I appreciate is that she was completely honest with you all through. So you have to ask yourself -- How do you feel about her having had a simultaneous intimate relationship with another guy? Are you sure you love and respect her enough to accept that you are only second best with her? What if the guy turns up again once you are married, would you allow her to be with him again? Have a frank talk with her. Lay down your cards and then take your decision based on her acceptance of the new rules.
- Vinita Dawra Nangia is a columnist, author and relationships expert
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