Teaching children to manage frustration

Frustration is considered to be one of the first and most common emotional experiences that children face when they find that something is not working or is too hard. Frustrations occur when children do not get what they expect or when something is beyond their control. Since children are still learning how to control their feelings and behaviors, frustration may easily turn into crying, anger, or withdrawal. Parents may be tempted to take away whatever is causing frustration, but it is very important for children to learn how to deal with frustration. Parents should know that it is possible to help children learn how to handle frustration with effective strategies. Here are some of the main strategies that help children learn how to handle frustration.


Validating children’s feelings before correcting behavior


It is very natural for children to get frustrated when something is not working or is too hard. Since children are still learning how to control their feelings and behaviors, it is very natural for them to get emotional when they face frustration. Parents may be tempted to immediately correct their children’s behavior when they see them being frustrated. Parents may say something like, “Stop crying!” or “It is not that hard!” However, it is very important for parents to know that correcting children’s behavior immediately may make them feel that they do not understand them. Parents should know that validation is very important before correcting children’s behavior. Parents should say something like, “This is really frustrating for you!” Validation is very important because it helps children feel that parents understand them. Parents should know that children learn how to handle frustration when they feel that parents understand them. Since children feel that parents understand them when they get emotional, they will be able to calm down quickly. Emotional regulation is considered to be the first step toward learning how to handle frustration. Parents should know that children will learn how to handle frustration when they feel that parents understand them.




Break challenges into manageable steps

One of the causes of frustration is when the child is unable to accomplish a particular challenge, such as a puzzle, homework, or skills that he is not yet proficient in. A challenge that is too great can be discouraging to the child, causing him to get frustrated quickly. A parent can help his child avoid getting frustrated by breaking down the challenge into smaller, more manageable steps that the child can accomplish. By completing these steps, the child will feel more confident and encouraged to try the next step, thereby avoiding frustration. This will also help the child understand that he can indeed accomplish the challenge, no matter how daunting it seems at first. By breaking down the challenge, the parent will also help his child focus more on the process than the outcome, since the outcome is no longer the whole challenge but just a small step in the process.

Teach the child calming techniques for emotional regulation

Children need to be equipped with skills that will help them calm down the physiological symptoms of frustration, such as tense muscles, increased breathing rate, and agitation. One such technique is slow, deep breathing, counting, squeezing a stress ball, or taking a short break. These techniques help calm down the nervous system, thereby reducing the symptoms of frustration. By practicing these techniques when the child is not yet frustrated, he will be more likely to use them when he is already in the state of heightened emotions, such as when he is frustrated. By practicing these techniques, the child will also associate getting frustrated with the skills he has learned to deal with it, not with losing control and getting out of hand. These techniques will not make the child’s frustration go away, but they will help him deal with it in a more manageable way. By equipping the child with emotional regulation skills at an early age, he will be able to deal with the challenges he will encounter in the future, not just in dealing with frustration but also in dealing with the challenges that life will present to him in the future.

Encourage effort, not outcome

Generally, children tend to be frustrated when they do not attain the expected outcomes. Focusing solely on success and correctness can be highly frustrating. Parents who praise their children for their efforts, saying "you tried your best," redirect their focus towards the process rather than the outcome. This instills a growth mindset in the child. A growth mindset enables a child to understand that their abilities are developed through their efforts. Frustration in this case is just a phase. Parents can also share their own frustrations and retries. This way, the child understands that frustration and failure are a normal part of the process. Over time, the child internalises the fact that efforts are more important than success. This instills in the child a positive attitude towards tasks and activities despite the frustration.

Modeling appropriate reactions to frustration

Most children tend to adopt emotional behaviors through what they see. Parents tend to be the main people whom children observe. They usually tend to adopt their behaviors. Frustration in this case occurs when a child fails in an activity. Parents tend to be frustrated when they fail. This frustration can be directed towards their children. This way, the child tends to adopt the same behaviors. The parent can model a calm attitude towards frustration. This way, the child tends to adopt the same attitude. The child will understand that frustration is a normal part of the process. The child will be able to handle frustration. The emotional environment in the home tends to play a crucial role in developing a child’s frustration tolerance. Parents who tend to be patient and not urgent in their actions tend to instill in their children a feeling of frustration as a normal part of the process.